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Monday, March 05, 2007

An assault on our values from an unlikely quarter

Sen. Raymond Finney
Tennessee State Senate

Dear Sen. Finney,

I think I understand what you're trying to do with SB 487, but I'm very disappointed with the result. It seems that you've bought into how the liberalismunistofascist coastal elites frame our most cherish Heartland tradition, livestock love.

While it is reasonable to condemn such relationships when they're of a homosexual nature--as I was quick to do during the Alpha Gamma Rho billy goat controversy of a year ago--we shouldn't allow such perversion to taint healthy livestock relationships like those touted by such Heartland luminaries as abortion activist Neal Horsley, Oklahoma State Rep. Sally Kern and Sen. John Cornyn.

I'm particularly concerned about Section 1(f)(2) of the bill:

(2) "Sexual conduct" means any touching or fondling by a person, either directly or through clothing, of the sex organs or anus of an animal...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't that make it a crime to fondle an udder even when your goat is wearing pantyhose. That's going way too far. You're risking one of the largest outbreaks of acne among College Republicans this country has ever seen. You're also risking the destruction of the Heartland family as increased competition for available female cousins turns brother against brother.

I hope you'll reconsider your sponsorship of this bill.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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