Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Thursday, June 07, 2007


Aunt B
Tiny Cat Pants

Dear Aunt B,

While your description of me as a misogynist is accurate--I am a Christian conservative after all--you're claim that my recent letter to Mrs. Gibson was misogynistic is way off the mark. I can't point to a single thing I wrote in that email that could even come close to being called misogynistic. I'm embarrassed by that, but I'm even more upset that I emailed that letter to at least two, and probably three (if I include the news director as I suspect I should) not-men. That means I communicated with someone's daughter or wife without first getting permission from him. That's wrong, and as soon as I finish this email, I'm going to drive to Seattle to receive my punishment from the man who spanks men for money.

That said, my mistake doesn't negate yours. I'd rather be a communication fornicator than an anti-Semite. Yes, you read that right. I'm exposing you for your hatred of Israelites. You thought you were being tricky. You thought no one would understand why you chose a not-man named Brittney to attack by calling her a libislamunistofascist. In doing so, you underestimated my remarkable sleuthing abilities and my commitment to the teachings of British Israelism.

I understand exactly why you chose to attack Brittney.

The name Brittney is derived from Brittany, the French-occupied British coastal area located across the English Channel from England. According to the teachings of British Israelism, Brittany was once called Israel, and it's the true birthplace of Our Lord Jesus Christ (you didn't really think he was Jewish did you?). Indeed, you can find the manger where He was born in the city of Saint-Brieuc (The Illuminati made it change its name from Bethlehem in 1267 when they opened witchcraft school there). You knew all this and attempted to associate Britt[any], or Israel, with the global libislamunistofascist threat. You should be ashamed of yourself...anti-Semite!!!

Heterosexually yours (in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way),

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

P.S. Please note that I actually sent this email to you. I learned about your letter only after a reader sent me the link. Perhaps I should feature the two email links in my side bar more prominently.

Elsewhere: Behold our tremendous heterosexual machismo!

Someone named Axel knows what motivates Jesus' General readers:

The Jesus General brigade has the scalp now of someone with not much power, and a middling amount of influence. What tremendous heterosexual machismo on display.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous10:14 PM

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.