Good Deals

Daniel Peterson
Office of National Drug Control Policy

Daniel,
I recently saw something on the internet about a Freedom of Information Act request for the anti-drug commercials from a few years back that made the connection between drugs and terrorism. Some people seem to believe that your response that you will need 200 years to respond is just a typo. I certainly hope not. Making sure that the terrorists are still in the dark about how much we're onto their secrets is vital to winning the war on terror.

I was doing some research on the economy, and I discovered something interesting. Of all the items listed below, the price of only one item has gone way down since Bush took office. Everything else has become much more expensive.

Dozen eggs
Gallon of Gasoline
Health Care
Gallon of Milk
Ear of corn
8-ball of cocaine
College Tuition
Loaf of bread

That one thing is cocaine. Now I'm not really an economics expert, but I do make sure to watch both Fox News and Lou Dobbs in order to get both sides, so I think I know what I'm talking about. The lower price must be because all the money being spent to destroy these drugs in Colombia is making Americans feel guilty about continuing to buy it - and the demand is dropping. And since President Bush makes everyone cherish life so much, the demand for things we need to live is going up. As a result, the terrorists are getting much less money for their drugs than they were just 5 years ago while good people are getting wealthier.

So far, the terrorists don't seem to have noticed as I still never see white people being arrested for drug dealing. And the last thing we need is a bunch of hippies clueing them in to our strategy. Considering that we're gonna need 50 more years to kill the rest of the terrorists in Iraq, and probably another 100 or so to do the same in Iran, Syria, and France, I think 200 years is a safe time frame to work with. By that time, as long as future Presidents keep up President Bush's commitment to keep the price of cocaine down, a kilo will cost a nickel and the terrorists won't even be able to buy a single egg, let alone a nuclear weapon.

In sobriety.
T.H.