Proud Christian Father
Dear Mr. Stone,
I want to commend you for the Christ-centered way you are raising your children. I'm particular impressed with your philosophy on whooping them. Your adage on discipline, "I am not trying to raise another child I am trying to raise a Champion" should be stitched into every belt and etched into every spatula produced in this great god-fearing nation.
That's not to say I'm in complete agreement with how you introduced your son, Jamison, to the joy of killing. While I'm sure the boy got a big thrill out of blowing away the monster pig with the most powerful handgun in the world, I think he'd have derived more satisfaction and a better idea of what it means to be a man if he had stabbed it with a knife, or better yet, a pointed stick. I don't know; shooting a pig just seems so wimpy to me. I bet the other boys tease him about it. By God, I know would if I were one of his peers.
That said, I'm sure it was still one of the all-time greatest father and son experiences you've ever experienced. I'd like to hear more about it. Did you and your son stalk the monster pig or just suddenly stumble onto it? What load were you shooting? Was it manufactured ammunition or your own special load? Don't you miss Jim Crow? How many shots did it take to bring the monster pig down? Where did Jaimison hit him? What color panties were you wearing? Were they silky? Did the recoil from that .50 cal. S&W knock young Jamison on his butt? Have you barbecued the pig's ribs yet? Were they tasty? Do you ever dress up like a gladiator? Are you going to mount it? Would you let me mount it if I gave you twenty bucks?
I hope you'll consider answering these questions by publishing a FAQ on your website. I imagine there are a lot of guys like me who'd be interested in hearing the answers.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
A big tip of the old helmet to reader Michael Z.