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Saturday, July 21, 2007

Department of Book Reports 26: Harry Potter Spoilers!

I’m going to be selling Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Scholastic $34.99) all day long to young heathen and godless children. I have taken the liberty, beforehand, to glance at this 700+ page conclusion to young Harry’s saga and can relate to you what happens. DON’T READ FURTHER IF YOU ARE GOING TO READ THE BOOK AND DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!
- In their final encounter, Voldemort reveals, “Harry, I am your Father”!
- Snape holds Hogwarts hostage. Turns out his motive is money, not a political agenda.
- Rosebud? Harry’s sled.
- Harry finds Holmes and Moriarty (or is Colmes and Hannity?) underneath Reichenbach Falls—Alive!
- Gollum bites off Harry’s ring finger and falls into the depths of Mt. Doom.
- Oz never gave nothing to the Tinman, that he didn’t, didn’t already have.
-They all live in a Yellow Submarine!
- Harry rides the White Whale. Pequod sinks, everyone dies.
- Harry is Keyser Soze!
- Harry takes Victor Lazlo and Ilsa on the 12:01 flight to Lisbon, flying his Firebolt.
- Ron and Hermoine join a group of youthful pickpockets in London.
- And, dear reader, Harry marries her.
-Final iine: “Forget it, Harry. It’s Hogwarts”.

Harry potter and the Deathly Hallows is available at Jackson Street Books and Fine Independent Bookstores everywhere!

democommie™™™™®© is off playing Quidditch and will be working on the GC3R's fleet of flying cars this afternoon.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.