A gift from God

George Allen
Candidate for Governor (presumed)
Commonwealth of Virginia

Dear Gov. Allen,

I like the cut of your jib, Governor. No one would have faulted you for taking a few years off from politics after losing your Senate seat. It was a tough race, and perhaps you could have used some time off to unwind by immersing yourself in your greatest passions, intimidating women and harassing black people.

But, you're not like that. You don't scamper away when you get bucked off; you jump right back on, just like you're doing now as you prepare for a gubernatorial run.

And by God, do you do it with style! Who'd have guessed that a guy who lost his senate seat because he's a racist would be giving campaign speeches at Jimmy the Greek's Restaurant less than nine-months later. That has to be about the biggest "fuck you" a politician could give his detractors (short of an Alberto Gonzales performance at a congressional hearing).

I can't find a transcript of your speech, but I'm sure you made the most of the appearance by echoing Jimmy the Greek's infamous opposition to blacks becoming coaches because "The slave owner would breed his big black with his big woman so that he would have a big black kid. That’s where it all started… [If blacks] take over coaching jobs like everybody wants them to, there’s not going to be anything left for the white people."

I think it's a smart move to embrace your greatest weakness and turn it into a strength, and I hope you'll continue to run a campaign based on traditional confederate values. Have you considered making a return to segregation a central issue in your campaign?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Elsewhere: George Allen is a blogger.