Rep. Brian Baird
US Congress (D-Passionately Credulous)
Dear Rep. Baird,
I have to say I was a bit surprised to learn that you'd reversed your position on the war after doing the Pentagon's VIP tour in Iraq. It's amazing how a hug from a sheik, a little asparagus soup and lobster tortellini with the Ambassador, and a couple of briefings by serious looking men in crewcuts can turn even someone like you into fan of Our Leader's Great Iraq Adventure.
Not many people would be convinced so easily. They don't have the special kind of faith you have, the kind of faith that tells you, "hey, the Ambassador is eating well, we're going to win this thing" or "I feel sorry for that Nigerian widow, I'm going to give her my banking information and help her get her money back."
It's that quality, an unfettered willingness to believe anything, that makes me think you're the perfect person to help Sen. Larry Craig get a presidential pardon.
I'm sure you heard his press conference yesterday. He says he's not a homosexual, he just plead guilty to charges of restroom cruising because he thought it'd stop people from accusing him of blowing guys in the john. Hey, I buy that. I'm sure you do too. If not, maybe we can get a sheik to blow you. I bet that'll do the trick.
What do you say? Are you going to help me win a pardon for Larry?
Heterosexually yours (but not necessarily in a Larry Craig kind of way),
Gen. JC Christian, patriot