Our Lady of the Concentration Camps
Dear Mrs. Malkin,
Although you haven't addressed either the Alicia Rodriguez or Pedro Guzman cases in your blog, columns, or while guesting for Mr. O'Reilly on The Factor, I'm sure you're familiar with them. As you know, Mrs. Rodriquez, a US citizen, was arrested on charges that she was an illegal immigrant and held in jail for nearly a day, thus missing her children's first day of school. Mr. Guzman, also a US citizen, was mistakenly deported to Mexico.
In both cases, the reason for the mistakes was, in part, due to the State Security Apparatus's inability to tell one brown person from another. I think you can help them with this problem.
As the leading advocate of both concentration camps for brown people and racial profiling, you've spent a great deal of time considering final solutions to the people-darker-than-David-Hasselhoff problem and are uniquely qualified to promote my idea to provide non-alien brown people with a marker to establish their accepted status as legal, albeit not white, citizens.
The plan originally called for brown citizens to wear a yellow patch resembling Our Lady of Guadalupe on their clothing. That way, the State Security Apparatus, as well as your Army of John Does, could tell them apart from those who are here illegally. Of course, such a patch could be easily forged, so a better solution might be a required tattoo coupled with a ban on sleeves. You're the expert on final solutions--I'll leave those kinds of details to you.
Gen. JC Christian