A Special Report Too Far

Roger Ailes
Fox News Channel

Dear Mr. Ailes,

It's easy to air reports about soldiers acting heroically on the battlefields of Iraq. That's why all of the networks do it. It's much harder to cover the real heroes of this war, men like Donald Rumsfeld, Jonah Goldberg, Ann Coulter, and most importantly, Our Glorious Leader, God's Man in the White House, and Hero of The Turkee and USS Abraham Lincoln Photo Ops, George W. Bush. Only your Network honors regularly pays tribute to these heroes.

There will be another hero to add to the list on Monday. His name is Gen. David Petraeus. On that day, he will follow in the footsteps of another heroic general, Colin Powell, and sacrifice his honor and credibility in service to Our Leader. It would be a shame to let such an act of heroism pass unnoticed. That's why I hope you'll consider airing a special report to honor his sacrifice.

You could start it by reminding the audience of Powell's courageous acts of mendacity while facing our enemy, the United Nations Security Council. He went into those chambers as a man respected and trusted by all, both Republican and Democrat alike, but after serving Our Leader by spinning wild tales of Winnebagoes of Death and evil robotic attack planes of mass destruction, he left that room with his credibility destroyed and his reputation ruined.

Powell's story told, you can then tell how Gen. Petraeus will offer up even more on Monday when he faces our enemy, the United States Congress. Not only will he sacrifice his credibility and reputation, he will also commit an act of perjury when he lies to Congress about about the civilian death toll in Iraq.

I hope you will consider airing the special. His sacrifice is a story the public must hear. And perhaps even more importantly, the special may be the only thing Gen. Petraeus will have to cherish in the coming years--the boys in Cellblock C are likely to overlook a videotape when they forcibly take his bronze star to trade for smokes.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot