High School of the Americas

David Volrath
Harford County Public Schools

Dear Mr. Volrath,

I'm very excited about the new, first-of-its-kind homeland security magnet school you're opening up in your school district. What a great idea! The manpower needs of the state security apparatus have grown exponentially over the last 6 years and I don't see that changing soon. I guess that's why your school is getting so much support from defense contractors and federal uh "agencies."

I'd like to learn more about the "Homeland Security Science" track you're offering. Will the students get any kind of hands-on training? It'd be great if you could have them wiretap the phones at the High School for the Performing Arts in New York. Bunch of god damned Hollyweird "free love" communist types committing all sorts of thought-terrorism there I bet. Maybe your students could also taser the dancing little bastards, or better yet, waterboard 'em.

But then again, maybe you don't have to go all the way to New York for a real-life teaching experience. You probably have thought-terrorists right there in Joppa, MD. Heck, I bet there might even be a few in the student's families. Think about what the kids could learn by surveiling mom or dad. What an experience that'd be--talk about immersing oneself in one's studies. After a semester of that, your students would be ready to infiltrate even the meanest Quaker cells.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A helmet tip to SeattleTammy