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Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Happy Coulterspüwen Day

It's that time again. It's Coulterspüwen Day, the day we celebrate the release of Ann Coulter's latest book, If Democrats Had Any Brains, They'd Be Republicans, by watching her go onto nearly every "news" show from The Today Show to Hardball and rhetorically eat the hearts of the thought-terrorists amongst us.

Last time, she put her book, Godless: The Church of Liberalism, on the best seller lists by attacking the 911 widows (although I have to admit that Richard Mellon Scaife's decision use her books as construction material for an archipelago of work camps in the Marianas probably inflated the sales figures a bit). And that wasn't the first time she screeched righteous invective to generate interest in her other books. While promoting earlier books, Coulter declared such golden nuggets of truthiness as:

"I think a baseball bat is the most effective way these days" to talk to liberals. (How to Talk to a Liberal book tour)

"Liberals denounced McCarthy because they were afraid of getting caught, so they fought back like animals to hide their own collaboration with a regime as evil as the Nazis." (in a column promoting her book, Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism.)

I always get very excited on Coulterspüwen Eve. I feel like a kid on the night before Christmas. The anticipation can be overwhelming, so I try to stay busy. This year, I'm occupying myself by trying to guess what Coulter will say to drive interest in her book this time.

I'm predicting she'll say one or more of the following things:
  • "Does this necklace made of human ears make my ass look big?"
  • "Bark like a dog, Matthews, you tweety-headed worm, or you'll feel my lash again."
  • "Unlike our Senators, the Iranian ayatollahs aren't man enough to hire prostitutes to diaper them. That's why they must die."
  • "Die straße frei den weißen Bataillonen. Die Straße frie dem Sturmabteilungsmann! Es schaun aufs Hakenkreuz voll Hoffnung schon Millionen."
  • "I keep my hair silky by drinking the blood of virgins"
  • "grrrr, grrrrrr, grrrrrrrr."
  • "I can't help it. Seeing Debra Cagan wearing her Eisernes Kreuz gives me a woody that won't quit. She's like a human mushroom cloud."
What do you think she'll say? Put your best guess in the comments.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.