In the running for a "Lester"

Rick Murphy, Editor
East Hampton Independent

Dear Mr. Murphy,

I saw your recent column on Obama--the one where you called him "Yo Mama Bin Obama" and noted that in order to appear more black, he is required to: call all other black men "brother" even though most "are in jail;" talk jive, saying things like, "We be, you know, sick of whitey supressin' and congestin'...;" and respond to Hillary Clinton by "bitch slap[ing] that ho"--and I have to tell you, I think you're going to be in the running to win a "Lester" award this year.

Named after the late governor of Georgia, Lester Maddox, the "Lesters' are an honor I award every year to the person or organization who best exemplifies traditional Confederate values during the campaign season. It is a companion honor to the "Bobby" [Riggs] award I give for the outstanding use of misogyny in the pursuit of political gain. I think that by calling Sen. Clinton a "ho," you may have a shot at that honor as well.

Heck, after looking at that line again, I see that it's followed by, "White women, I am told, like that." It's not many people who can go from a sexist attack to mongering fear about black lust for white women in fewer than a dozen words. You're an artist.

That said, most of the campaign season still looms before us. And with either a woman or black Democratic nominee, you're bound to see a lot of competition. Rush Limbaugh and Chris Matthews are both gearing up. If the Dems pick Obama, you know blackface will be de rigeur at all the best parties at the Republican National Convention. And Monica Crowley's already made a serious bid for the Bobby with her invention of the acronym, CLIT for her "Clinton Ladies Intervention Team."

Well good luck and keep plugging. I'm pulling for you.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot