Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Tuesday, May 27, 2008

High Priorities

Todd Holland
Ramblin' Express
Casino Bus Service

Dear Mr. Holland,

Thank you, sir, for your doing your part in the war against Islamunistosantanofascism by accepting $382,000 in anti-terrorism grants. By God, if we don't fight them on your casino shuttles, we'll be fighting them in our bingo parlors.

Although $382,000 isn't much--I imagine most of it will go to special anti-terrorist booze and escort services like those upon which the House and Senate Republican Caucuses lavish so much funding--I hope you'll consider adding "Shuttle Marshals" to each of your runs. If so, please consider hiring me. I think I could take on at least 80% of the seniors you transport without backup, and 100% if you issued me a taser.

Throw in rubber gloves and I'll even implement a more intensive passenger screening process. You'd be surprised at where I was able hide an RPG launcher while I was conducting research on weapons concealment. It hurt like hell, but by God, I can sure as hell spot "the walk."

I hope you will consider it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.

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