Casino Bus Service
Dear Mr. Holland,
Thank you, sir, for your doing your part in the war against Islamunistosantanofascism by accepting $382,000 in anti-terrorism grants. By God, if we don't fight them on your casino shuttles, we'll be fighting them in our bingo parlors.
Although $382,000 isn't much--I imagine most of it will go to special anti-terrorist booze and escort services like those upon which the House and Senate Republican Caucuses lavish so much funding--I hope you'll consider adding "Shuttle Marshals" to each of your runs. If so, please consider hiring me. I think I could take on at least 80% of the seniors you transport without backup, and 100% if you issued me a taser.
Throw in rubber gloves and I'll even implement a more intensive passenger screening process. You'd be surprised at where I was able hide an RPG launcher while I was conducting research on weapons concealment. It hurt like hell, but by God, I can sure as hell spot "the walk."
I hope you will consider it.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot