Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I love the scent of gasoline in the morning

I admit it. I'm not very happy about Sen. McCain posting on my blog. I think it hurts his campaign. I sent him an email about it. He responded by by sending me Joe Lieberman's pinkie finger. I think I'll just let him blogs when he wants.

Thanks again, General, for allowing me to use your electrical pamphlet typing machine. It's the best thing since the mimeograph. That's not to say that there was anything wrong with mimeograph machines. I miss the high octane scent of the mineral spirits they used. You don't get that with an electrical pamphlet typing machine. I have to wrap a gasoline-soaked bandanna around my face to get the same sensation now. But it works, so it's all good.

Anyway, I want to talk about a very sensitive subject, you know, like that thing Cindy and I use to do back when I was married to my first wife, the one I left after she couldn't walk anymore. You know what I mean. It's when you shoot your sidewinder into an afterburner. Right? Are you understanding me?

That's something I don't think reporters should ask me about. I don't like even getting near it.

It's like the other day, when a reporter asked me if I thought it was fair that insurance companies pay for Viagra and not contraceptives. Why in the sam hell would she ask me a question like that? What does it have to do with governing?

There was no way I was going to answer her, so I said, "I certainly don't want to discuss that issue."

But then I caught onto her game. She wanted to know if I needed a little chemical help in that area --the contraceptive part was just a ruse to throw me off. So I said, "I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer."

Ha ha. Nailed the bastard good, didn't I.

What? What's that, Lieberman? Some people think insurance companies should pay for contraception? They think it's as least as important as Viagra? Jesus H. Christ you're about the stupidest ass-kissing toady a shot at the VP slot could buy and that's saying a lot--look at Crist.

Do you really think people believe that crap?

Well, that's why transcribing my words onto the electrical pamphlet typing machine is the only job I allow you to do--that and demanding the elimination of the world's 1 billion Muslims. You're too god damned stupid to do anything else. What? Yeah, you're doing the crotchal hygiene maintenance thing as well, but you were already dong that for Cheney, so it's a given.

How's that nine-fingered typing thing working out for you? Would eight fingers be better? I thought so.

Now, finish this, apologize to the General's readers, and lets get back to the to the plane so we can resoak my bandanna and get a little hygiene maintenance in.

What? Yes, God dammit everything I said, even that last part.

[I'm very sorry. Joe]

No comments:

Post a Comment

We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.