Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Is Obama secretly Amish?

Atlas Shrugs

Dear Mrs. Shrugs,

Your Sunday post was an excellent example of what patrio-blogging is all about. With nothing more than a few graphics and a lot of very technical-sounding jargon, you and techdude persuaded a lot of people that Barak Obama forged his own birth certificate. That's impressive.

But why stop there? Shouldn't we take the next step and use the same technique to create a reason why Obama would fake such a document?

I certainly think so. That's why I'm submitting the following highly technical evidence suggesting that Barack Obama is actually an Amish man named Erik Gruber.

Before we begin, let's take a look at actual photographs of both Obama and Erik Gruber's twin brother, Henry.

Notice how amazingly similar they appear. Other than a few minor differences in skin coloring, hair texture, eye color, and body fat, they are spitting images of each other.

Now let's examine the photos using a number of fairly basic forensic techniques. We'll start by applying the McMahon-McMillan Inverted Refractory Process.

Notice the cyantic response of the temporal, nasal, and lip areas. The refractive similarity is striking.

We get a similar result when we apply the Whitfield Thermal Reciprocity Sampling Technique.

Notice how the lichtgroen region is concentrated cranially with sporadic expression in the upper anterior pectoral quadrants.

Now, lets see what happens when we examine the photos employing Padminal Forensics Analysis (Post-Regression).

This is significant. The mouth and eye in the Obama photos are exactly 3.14 times larger than those in the Gruber photo. Pi equals 3.14... Pi was a very significant number to the ancient Sumerians and Egyptians and is often associated with the "Dog Star" or Sirius in Sumerian and Babylonian astronomy. Sirius radio is also where I heard an old Art Bell interview in which a Montana rancher named Douglass Hornbeck described finding the symbol for pi branded on his cattle after seeing a Sasquatch flying a black helicopter near his ranch.*

That is as far as I've progressed on my research so far. It gives us a good start. I hope you'll consider posting it.

Heterosexually yours in a biblical, chaste, and certainly non-John-Bolton kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

*I'm not sure what to make of that interview--Hornbeck does not mention finding any used condoms or seeing any gray-type or reptilian aliens in his account. But I think it might have some bearing on the Obama/Gurber study, so I mention it here.

A helmet tip to Stinkeye

No comments:

Post a Comment

We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.