Nosehomosexuals, they're not just for Pastor Haggard anymore

Ed Vitagliano
American Family Assn.

Dear Mr. Vitagliano

I did not know that the AFA's OneNewsNow had a policy to replace the word "gay" with "homosexual" until I saw the coverage of sprinter Tyson "Gay's" win at U.S. Olympic track and field trials. Here's how they described it:

Homosexual eases into 100 final at Olympic events

Tyson Homosexual easily won his semifinal for the 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials and seemed to save something for the final later Sunday.

On Saturday, Homosexual misjudged the finish in his opening heat and had to scramble to finish fourth, then in his quarterfinal a couple of hours later, ran 9.77 to break the American record that had stood since 1999.

Asked how he felt, Homosexual said: 'A little fatigued.'

It's a great policy, one I hope the AFA will pursue beyond the pages of OneNewsNow. For instance, have you considered pressuring Amazon and iTunes into changing their Marvin Gaye and Gay Talese catalogs into collections of the works of Marvin Homosexual, and Homosexual Talese.

And given the fact that we're fighting a war for Christmas, shouldn't AFA be out front, demanding that the lyrics of that "Deck the Halls" be changed to "Don we now our homosexual apparel." And what about West Side Story? Shouldn't the character, Maria, be singing, "I feel pretty and witty and homosexual."

Then there are those flowers. You won't find a single florist who sells "nosehomosexuals" listed in the Google. All you get are Pastor Haggard hits. It seems like you could do something about that too.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot