Note: I've suspended posting to this blog, so I can work on fixing the economy.
I'm proud to announce that, like Sen. John McCain, Gov. Sarah Palin has chosen Jesus'General as her platform for communicating in the patriotsphere.
Welcome, Gov. Palin. The keyboard is yours.
--Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Thank you, General.
I'm proud of the contribution I've made to the Palin-McCain campaign thus far. By stumbling over simple interview questions and posing for pictures with old foreign guys, I've demonstrated that I'm every bit as qualified to be President as George Bush was in 2000 (and continues to be, today).
Now it's time to open a new phase of this campaign. A phase where I will use my greatest strengths and take bold actions to solve our nations most pressing problems. By doing so, I will prove that I am more than ready to serve as your president the moment John McCain kicks returns to Jesus (let's just hope it's after the inauguration).
So, let us begin.
In the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ, and by the authority granted to me by my witch fighting pastor, I rebuke the economy for its treachery. In Yaweh's holy name, I command it to make our beloved mortgage trading industry whole and continue the $15,000/month stipend our faithful assistant, Rick Davis, receives from Freddie Mac; let him continue to influence our presumptive presidency along a path of adjustable rate righteousness.
Gabba gabba hey! Hokey pokey winky wong! Twiddly, widdly, wit, boom, boom!
Campbell Brown, thou art rebuked in all the sacred names of Elohim for refusing to submit to the political will of thine husband, Dan Senor. And in the name of Jesus, King of Kings, I also rebuke thee for thine sharp words concerning me. He shall surely smite thee with emerods, much like he smote the Philistines of Ashdod, Gath, and Bethshemesh.
Parley magoo gagoo gagong! Pompitous of Love! Handaree rangaree chingaree chong!
And in the name of Our Redeemer, Jesus of Nazareth, I rebuke Levi's man-fluids and Bristol's lady parts for causing me embarrassment at the greatest moment of my life. May the Lord, God of Israel, strike both of these wicked children with the same foul affliction Todd brought home after attending that snowmachine convention in Nome.
Awop bop a loobop, a lop-bam boo! Handaree rangaree chingaree chong! Rama lama ding dong!