Two Candidates for Sister Sarah

Gov. Sarah Palin
SarahPAC

Dear Gov. Palin,

Thank you for creating SarahPAC. I'm very excited by your recent efforts to recruit "real" Americans to run for office. Thanks to such pioneers as you and Joe the Plumber, ignorance has moved beyond being simply bliss and is now the new cool. I'm glad you're capitalizing on it.

On your site, you describe your mission as being:

Dedicated to building America's future, supporting fresh ideas and candidates who share our vision for reform and innovation.

I have a couple of perfect candidates for you. They certainly share your vision and values. I hope you'll give them your support.

The first is Lynne Spears. As the mother of Britney and Jamie Lynn, she serves as a role model for those seeking a return to Palin family values. I also understand that she can see Venezuela from her home in Louisiana. And as a part-time resident of California, she'a a natural choice to take Dianne Feinstein's seat.

The second potential candidate is a guy called Bob the Cattle Inseminator. OK, his real name is Kevin and he's unemployed, but, hey, "Joe the Plumber" worked so well for "Sam the plumbing supply clerk" why mess with success? "Bob" is a name that's as American as xenophobia and "cattle inseminator" is as rural (the one true America) an occupation as you'll find anywhere. With that kind of packaging, he's a sure-fire winner.

Federline (did I mention he has a Spears family connection) will need some prepping to become Bob the Cattle Inseminator, but it shouldn't take much. He's already an accomplished inseminator. We just need to turn his attention to cattle.

Heterosexually yours, in a chaste, biblical and not-even-saddleback kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot