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Friday, April 17, 2009

The Opinuary Column

The Opinion We will be greeted as liberators vis a vis the United States of America's invasion of Iraq was quietly removed from life support this past weekend, whereupon it immediately keeled over and was as dead as a proverbial doornail. The Opinion, uttered numerous times with a straight face by former Vice-President Dick Cheney, had been kept alive since 2003 by a combination of a feeding tube and bullshit injections. The Opinion had spent the last couple of years quietly out of the limelight as it drifted in and out of nonsenseness.

A last ditch attempt to keep the Opinion alive was aborted when former President Bush's key to the White House failed to open any of the doors, nixing his effort to call Congress back for a special session. President Bush was escorted from the grounds and is said to be bar hopping in Alabama.

In honor of the Opinion's passing manure manufacturers in and around the nation's capital have agreed to chip in on a plaque commemorating the death of "the Mother of all Bullshit Piles."

A service to honor the deceased Opinion will be held at an undisclosed location, at a time that is to remain secret. In lieu of shovels Cheney asks that Americans continue shopping on credit, and when that runs out to go fuck themselves.



  1. yeah, well, i've been fucking myself for a while . . .

  2. Thank you PersonalFailure, for your comment. Those of us who do fuck ourselves are grateful for the words of encouragement that Cheney was known to utter from time to time. A disparaging comment here and there can make all the difference in the world. Whenever I'm not sure what to do with myself, I think of Dick and voila! I am fucking myself like nobody's business (which it isn't, really). I sometimes imagine Cheney wearing a pirate costume when he tells me to fuck myself, and his parrot says the same thing, and we all laugh and are in high spirits, and then I go off somewhere and I fuck myself in a swashbuckling sort of way. Oh, what times I've imagined having!


  3. Good to see you still sharpening knives online.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.