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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Private Grand Jury Issues Obama Indictment

Carl Swensson
Possible Amish Communist

Dear Mr. Swensson,

I was very excited to hear you had formed your own grand jury and presented an indictment against Barack Hussein Obama "aka Barry Soetoro" for the crimes of living in foreign countries as a child and possessing a birth certificate, but I became very alarmed after I read about your grand jury's process in detail. Indeed, I am now convinced that your grand jury was a sham, designed to fail so as to allow Obama to hide behind a double jeopardy defense in a future proceedings.

As a supposed constitutionalist and sovereign citizen, you know as well as I do that your failure to have your jurists swear oaths in a truly biblically-approved manner, (while clutching each other's manhood), invalidates the process, thus giving Obama an opportunity to escape justice via a technicality.

No doubt you also poisoned the process by conducting it in a room with a gold fringed admiralty flag rather than the official flags of the Various and United States of America.

But why? Could it be that you are secretly Amish like Obama? Or are you in league with the half-Vogon president of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, and his secret sibling, Hillary Klinton? The common law grand jury I am forming will find the answer, and when we do, let me assure you, we will return an indictment.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

p.s. You are hereby barred from attending anymore gun shows until our common law grand jury has finished its investigation. We will not allow you an opportunity to recruit patriot children into your alleged Amishocialistofascist lifestyle.


  1. I suspect that the jurification document's kerning is afro-gay. Regardless, I say we bring back a verdict of Not Citizen by Reason of Hawaiian Obfuscation, then we can all get drunk like you know we want to. Later, we can reenact Bush's Lost Years (just like Jesus in Egypt) and snort the carpet.

    Let us pray. Ah, hell, I got fibers in my sinuses. It burns! It burns!


  2. Anonymous12:34 AM

    Is that really him pointing his gun at us?

    It reminds me of the NWA Straight Outta Compton album cover.

    I never understood why gun nuts weren't bigger fans of gangsta rap. I think they actually have a lot in common, starting with their belief that killing people you disagree with is completely acceptable.

  3. General, Sir:

    If I join up with Mr. Swensson's Grand Jury Militia and Club for the very fucked up, will I get to wear those cool, Jamaican Holiday BDU's?

  4. It's gonna be so kewl when they serve the arrest warrant! I just know those Secret Service boys are going to ball up in terror when they're presented with the mighty, mighty grand jury paperwork. Good thing the silly liberals weren't smart enough to try this with President Cheney -- I mean "Bush."

  5. Words fail me when I try to express how proud I am of my neighbors in the great red state of Georgia being out front in this noble endeavor.

  6. I am, myself, a big fan of gun shows.

    I really do prefer them to most other kinds of shows, dog shows, RV shows, flower shows, donkey shows (which are not, I was distressed to discover, analagous to dog shows), and yourereallytiredandit shows.

  7. I think you need educate yourself on how the Grand Jury works, and a good piece is here, but as it is pointed out. Once an indictment is issued and acted upon the first step is the discovery process. That very process is all that is needed. No double jeopardy danger at all, it will never get that far.

  8. Articles to help understand the American Grand Jury Convenes to Indict Obama Story

     Important Update! American Grand Jury Effort

     Straight Talk about Constitutional Grand Jury

     American Grand Jury Evidence Collecting Request

     Mark McGrew nails the Grand Jury Story

  9. Silly ass so-called constitutionalists need to actually read the thing. Go away, Ari and Greg. Don't you have a militia weenie roast o attend?

  10. Anonymous1:36 PM

    I wish I had such a meaningless life that I might spend all my time chasing conspiracy spooks. Alas, I'll have to continue with my productive life teaching political philosophy, while the the Evil Barry fixes the mess W left us...

    I can live with that.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.