The Opinion America is dumber than a sack full of hammers has died, due in large part to a shortage of hammers. The family of the deceased wishes to assure our nation's citizenry that the late, great Opinion will soon be replaced by the newer, cutting edge Opinion America is dumber than a sack full of deep-fried moose droppings.
At the request of the Opinion no service will be held. There simply aren't enough short buses to handle all the mourners.
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The Opinuary Column appears Friday afternoons at Jesus General.
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Mr. mjs, Sir:
ReplyDeleteI actually have about 17 hammers and I don't feel all that dumb. I am doing something wrong...wadeaminnit, I just seen a cartoon where this guy was hittin' HIMSELF in the head with a hammer. Shit, all these years I been doin' it wrong.
democommie: I have begun to view humanity as a rather ornate variety of mold. If you (or those who can see into your domicile) can escape the rotting piece of bread that is our environment by hitting/not-hitting yourself in the head with a hammer, then you are ahead of the game. The fact that the ultimate mystery of life isn't an actual game makes cerebral carpentry (pounding one's head with a hammer) just a little bit louder.
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