Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Brotherhood of the Gun

Ernest Hancock
Publisher, Freedom's Phoenix

Dear Mr. Hancock,

The sight of you standing there armed as you interviewed the young man with an assault rifle at the Obama appearance a few days ago prompted strange but familiar feelings deep within me. Familiar, because I've felt these feelings many times in my life, but strange, because I haven't had them since the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995.

What I felt as I saw you and the eleven other gun-toting patriots intimidating the Obamunists was something I call the Brotherhood of the Gun. It's hard for me to describe what that feeling is exactly--only that it is a feeling of power which overcomes my usual feelings of inadequacy and impotence. Where once I felt beleaguered by the capable and intelligent, I now feel like a God who has power over life and death. It feels good. I feel invincible.

After doing a little reading about you, I've learned that you've turned this feeling into something real, an actual brotherhood of flesh and blood human beings rather than the rag tag collection of inflatable men and action figures to which I've grown accustomed. Your real life Brotherhood of the Gun is vast. It includes patriots, Teabagger-Americans, and even a few ex-convicts.

One of the latter, Dean Pleasant, is the former leader of the Viper Militia. He was sent to prison in 1996 for stockpiling arms and explosives and conspiring to bomb federal buildings--a key piece of evidence was a video tape in which Dean pointed out where to place the bombs to bring down those buildings.

I can see why you are so close to Dean. He truly embodies the spirit of the Brotherhood of the Gun. As a bachelor, he remained faithful to his one true love, his rifle named Shirley, caressing her every night in his bed as he drifted off to sleep. And there is certainly no doubt about his commitment to ways of the brotherhood. He was once ejected from a Soldier of Fortune event for being too gung ho.

You just got to love a guy who's too gung ho for Soldier of Fortune, and it looks like you do (in a purely heterosexual kind of way, no doubt). You can see it in the happiness you expressed when you shared the joy of urinal targets with him.

I'd like to become a part of your brotherhood. Please let me know when you next plan to intimidate lesser Americans with a display of your weapons. I'd also like to return the favor by inviting you to the compound for a weekend of Spartan-style wrestling. It's the highest honor a warrior may bestow upon another--to face each other as our ancient Spartan Warrior forbears did, naked and oiled in the circle of manly combat, a valiant struggle for domination until the victor finally drives home his Rigid Spear of Manly Domination.

I'd like that. Please bring Dean along too. His review of the movie, 300, makes me think he'd enjoy it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Elsewhere: Barney Frank Denies that Obama is a Nazi


  1. ive given you all the help you need with your subjects...but as a 'script' writer -- i would have suggested you use ' manly dominance'..let me proofread it next-time

    love always,
    terence mcmanus

  2. General, Sir:

    Not to threadjack, but I just gotta say it, "Robert Novak met his deadline". Good riddance to trash.

  3. A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

    I understand the part about the well regulated militia--the armed forces getting plenty of Metamucil is okey-dokey by me, but how are the People going to keep guns if some heinous witchcraft turns their upper limbs into "bear arms." WTF? And if they were bear arms, wouldn't they just as soon reach for a salmon or some berries or a picnic basket instead of a gun? Have you ever seen the claws on a bear, for goodness's sake? I'm not talking about Andrew Sullivan-esque bears, I'm talking about them Kodiak looking fellas! You'll note that you never see a bear with an unconcealed weapon, and by golly, you never will! They always hide it in their butt cracks, next to the apple butter.


  4. Well, the not so great Red State of Georgia is out front of the repugnutin batshit crazy leading their spiral downward to hell. Phil Gingrey, Representative of the insurance lobby from Georgia, is displaying the qualities of his leadership by approving and promoting the bringing of assault weapons to presidential appearances by his brotherhood of crazed, violent, intimidators who if they can't have their way, never mind they lost the election, will just kill you. Here's a copy of his response to a friend who complained about his behavior:

    August 18, 2009

    Ms. Lorraine D. Miller

    79 Martin Street

    Summerville, Georgia 30747-1263

    Dear Ms. Miller:

    Thank you for contacting me to express your opinion regarding our constitutionally-protected Second Amendment rights. As your Congressman, I appreciate hearing your thoughts and welcome every opportunity to be of service.

    As a strong supporter of the Second Amendment, I believe our nation has more than enough existing gun laws, and we need to work to enforce existing laws. Increasing gun control will only compromise the constitutional rights of law-abiding citizens, and it will offer no positive answer to crime. For example, Washington, D.C. has some of the strictest gun laws in the country, yet it also has one of the highest crime rates in the nation. Crime is reduced by holding criminals accountable for their actions, not by adding layers of gun control.

    As the author of Fairness in Firearms Testing Act, I have made it one of my primary responsibilities in Congress to defend our Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms. I have been committed to working with other like-minded Members of Congress to develop a legislative strategy to protect our gun rights. Please be assured that I will continue to vote in favor of the Second Amendment and against any legislation that infringes upon the constitutional rights of law-abiding citizens.

    Again, thank you for sharing your concerns. If you feel that I may be of additional assistance on this, or any other matter of importance to you, please do not hesitate to contact me. I also invite you to sign up for my weekly email newsletter, or to share your ideas and opinions, by visiting my website at or emailing me at

  5. Mr. mjs, Sir:

    I think you should know that the Commiecontrolled NIH have been cloning Socialist Sasquatch. These hybrid liberamythico creatures are the product of an unholy union between the only living Sasquatchian (the one from them sausage snack commercials) and Ariana Huffington. It was a "shotgun wedding" (the Sasquatch wanted nothing to do with it!) but their progeny are, as we speak being organized into braids, I mean brigades, and loadeded onto Hugo Chavez's Vogonzuelan Battle Cruisers to be ferried down to Patagonia for training and arming. It won't be long before the battle is joined, pray for victory to any GOD you choose to, as long as he's tall, white, blonde and muscular.

    General, Sir:

    Barney Frank can kiss that woman's vote good-bye, and that of her shipmates as well.

  6. I have to say, watching the video of Barney Frank makes me angry – not because of anything he said, but because of what every other Democrat (aside from Frank) has failed to say. Where’s the motherfucking outrage? Frank is the only member of Congress I’ve heard of so far who had the horse sense to shovel that shit right back at them. Yes, he spoke in a calm tone of voice (and God bless him for it); but why the fuck are our guys taking any crap offa any of these dipshit, whiny, racist dumbfuck motherfuckers in the first place? If the Democrats aren’t willing to fight the fuck back, to give these miserable goons ten time the amount of shit they dish out, then why the hell do we elect Democrats in the first place?

    Sorry for the rant. This is precisely why I got out of blogging. Just can’t stand the shit any more.

    More power to you, General, for having a sense of humor about this; my sense of humor reached its expiration date a few months ago.

  7. Dave von Ebers:

    The scene from "The Untouchables" where Jimmy Malone (Sean Connery) enlightens Mr. Ness(Kevin Costner) about the "Chicago Way", should be required reading for the people who have to face these demented assholes at the Town Hall meetings.

    The other thing they should do is call out the instigators. Cockroaches love the dark.

  8. Demo: Yup.

    And I should know better than to write when I’m pissed. Too many typos. Of course, what I meant to say was “give these miserable goons ten times the amount of shit they dish out ….” Sheesh.

  9. I was so damned pleased with Barney Frank that I almost leaped from my chair. Basically he told the lunatics that they couldn't run the asylum while he's in office.

  10. What says "I am an American patriot" better than carrying Hitler imagery or waving a gun at a public meeting? Unless it's the woman who yelled "Heil Hitler" at a person of Hebrewish ancestry in a Nevada health care meeting. Because if you hate Hitler, the best way to show it is by displaying his picture and yelling his slogan and waving a gun. Or something like that.

    This bearing of arms is all good, but I reckon that within a fortnight, it's going to lose its thrill. Sure, one or two guys displaying their manlydeathmuscles where the President from Another Planet is speaking gets on the news NOW. But soon it's going to be old. Won't even make the local TV at 11 p.m. What can they do to top it? They're going to have to start shooting.

    The problem is, while it's legal to carry your Metal Rod of Manliness into bars and churches and similar dangerous places in many states, I bet it's still against the law to SHOOT it there. Why are Americans' freedoms restricted like that, when in terrorist Mahometan lands you see them brapping out entire magazines from AK-47s whenever there's a wedding or their kid gets all A's (for Allah!) on his madrassa report card? You never see them getting arrested! They got more freedom than America?

    It's time for patriotic organisations like the NRA to begin pushing for "Right to Shoot" laws. If a proud American patriot is standing outdoors, he should be allowed to point his weapon straight up into the air and fire it. Doesn't hurt anybody, unless they're flying an airplane RIGHT THERE at the wrong place, wrong time, and how often does that happen? It's a small price to pay for freedom.

    I propose calling this "The Straight Up Law" because every good movement needs a catchy name, and it's good to be straight. I bet if the NRA made a few phone calls, such laws could get passed in Georgia and Alabama by September. The legislators there wouldn't want to be accused of being against shooters' gun rights, would they? What about it, chickens? Buck-buck ba-graw! Are you men, or are you Democrats?

    Soon the air around political meetings in America will resound with gunfire! What a symbol of freedom to witness to the world! USA! USA! USA!

  11. good thougts..thanks for sharing...
    Are you scared to be alone at home need security


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.