Publisher, Freedom's Phoenix
Dear Mr. Hancock,
The sight of you standing there armed as you interviewed the young man with an assault rifle at the Obama appearance a few days ago prompted strange but familiar feelings deep within me. Familiar, because I've felt these feelings many times in my life, but strange, because I haven't had them since the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995.
What I felt as I saw you and the eleven other gun-toting patriots intimidating the Obamunists was something I call the Brotherhood of the Gun. It's hard for me to describe what that feeling is exactly--only that it is a feeling of power which overcomes my usual feelings of inadequacy and impotence. Where once I felt beleaguered by the capable and intelligent, I now feel like a God who has power over life and death. It feels good. I feel invincible.
After doing a little reading about you, I've learned that you've turned this feeling into something real, an actual brotherhood of flesh and blood human beings rather than the rag tag collection of inflatable men and action figures to which I've grown accustomed. Your real life Brotherhood of the Gun is vast. It includes patriots, Teabagger-Americans, and even a few ex-convicts.
One of the latter, Dean Pleasant, is the former leader of the Viper Militia. He was sent to prison in 1996 for stockpiling arms and explosives and conspiring to bomb federal buildings--a key piece of evidence was a video tape in which Dean pointed out where to place the bombs to bring down those buildings.
I can see why you are so close to Dean. He truly embodies the spirit of the Brotherhood of the Gun. As a bachelor, he remained faithful to his one true love, his rifle named Shirley, caressing her every night in his bed as he drifted off to sleep. And there is certainly no doubt about his commitment to ways of the brotherhood. He was once ejected from a Soldier of Fortune event for being too gung ho.
You just got to love a guy who's too gung ho for Soldier of Fortune, and it looks like you do (in a purely heterosexual kind of way, no doubt). You can see it in the happiness you expressed when you shared the joy of urinal targets with him.
I'd like to become a part of your brotherhood. Please let me know when you next plan to intimidate lesser Americans with a display of your weapons. I'd also like to return the favor by inviting you to the compound for a weekend of Spartan-style wrestling. It's the highest honor a warrior may bestow upon another--to face each other as our ancient Spartan Warrior forbears did, naked and oiled in the circle of manly combat, a valiant struggle for domination until the victor finally drives home his Rigid Spear of Manly Domination.
I'd like that. Please bring Dean along too. His review of the movie, 300, makes me think he'd enjoy it.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Elsewhere: Barney Frank Denies that Obama is a Nazi