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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

God's Hammer

Dan Holman
Missionaries to the Pre-Born

Dear Mr. Holman,

I was a bit concerned when I heard you had condemned the execution of one of God's assassins, Paul Hill, by calling it an "ex post facto abortion." But, thankfully, after conducting a little research, I learned that the quote was taken out of context. You don't oppose summary executions conducted by godfearing freelancers like Paul Hill and Scott Roeder; you only oppose the state executing them for acting as God's ninjas. Indeed, you even sent Roeder a note praising him for assassinating Dr. George Tiller.

Now, it appears you're ready to unleash God's justice on others in addition to OB/GYNs. Woe be unto those who flip off your Truth Mobile:
Holman and his wife had left a wedding in Michigan the day of his arrest and were driving in their van, which is covered with pictures of aborted fetuses. It is referred to as their “Truth Van.”

As Holman was driving, a vehicle with two people inside it pulled alongside the van. The passenger in the vehicle made an obscene gesture...


The woman said Holman again pulled his van up behind the woman’s Jeep, got out and walked toward her vehicle, carrying the hammer.

The woman told officers he was outside her driver’s side door and began screaming, saying, “I’m going to drag (her son) out of the vehicle and kill him,” and “I’m going to get you.”
Heck, who can blame you for trying to beat that kid with a hammer. He ruined what I assumed was a beautiful day. You had just celebrated a wedding by sharing what I like to call God's righteous pornography, aborted fetus photos, to the bride and groom and their friends and families. What better way to kick off a wedding than that?

But the kid ruined your day by mocking your Truth Van with his evil little finger. He deserved to be bludgeoned to death with a hammer, just as the 42 children of Bethel deserved to be ripped to pieces by she bears after they had mocked Elijah's baldness (2 Kings 2:23-24).

That should be your defense. Go all biblical on the court. Make the case about 2 Kings 2:23-24. Force the prosecutor to condemn Elijah's actions and risk being eaten by God's angry she bears.

That is if you're faith is strong enough to take that chance.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. If this van should linger
    Don't give it the finger


  2. General, Sir:

    I would like to help Mr. Holman with his mission of hammering the sinners. If you would like to give him my address he can stop by and I will be happy to show him my collection. At last count I had a ball pien, a cross pien, a panel hammer (autobody), six framing hammers (16-28 oz), a couple of finish hammers, a planishing hammer, 3 or 4 hand sledges, a tack hammer and a 12 # sledge hammer. I've got a few pointy things too. I would so love to school him in the proper technique.

  3. This story has no sex in it, therefore I cannot work up any religious outrage.

    Sorry. I'm gonna have to sit this one out.

  4. But, but, but ... there was sex! Dirty, nasty sex! Where do you think all The Fetus©™ festooning the Trooth Van came from?

  5. This is how it should be. It's also very important to remember that our righteous brother Mr. Holman also successfully utilizes his anger management issues at town hall meetings.

    The meek may inherit the earth, but the threatening/intimidating/violent will make sure it is a scorched earth before that happens.

  6. Where can I get me a truth van? I could ride the Puget Sound ferry system all day and educate these heathen secular Microsoft geeks and their lazy over-privileged always-dressed-for-skate-boarding dependents. I think they would appreciate the visuals since most of them can't or won't read.

  7. good thougts..thanks for sharing...
    Are you scared to be alone at home need security


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.