Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Thursday, September 10, 2009

A good man's career drips down the stairs

Karen England
Capitol Resource Institute

Dear Mrs. England,

You abandoned a good man yesterday. Assemblyman Michael Duvall scored a 100% rating on your family values scorecard, yet you cast him aside simply because he was having sex with two lobbyists instead of his wife. Yes, that was wrong, but after all he's done for you, don't you think you should have stood by him. After all, if you look at the video and transcript, it's obvious that he tried to atone for his sinning.

Yes, at some point, he listened to that still soft voice within him, and responded as only a truly Christian man would: he punished the temptress by rebuking her for being "such a bad girl" as he spanked her naughty little behind.

And that's not all. He also refused to commit the sin of Onan and allow his seed to fall to the ground. As he tells it, he put his little Spermatazoan-Americans right where they're supposed to go:
 so, we had made love Wednesday–a lot! And so she’ll, she’s all, ‘I am going 
up and down the stairs, and you’re dripping out of me!’ So messy!”
Well, OK, she might have been talking about her butt there, but, dammit, don't you think he deserves the benefit of doubt on this?

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. Are you sure this fellow isn't a Demonicrat? With behaviour like that, he does not seem like a member of the morality-based political party, the Republicans. The lobbydripst said he was French. Frenchifornicatofascists aren't allowed to be Republicans, are they? And carrying on sexual escapades with two lobbyists sounds like a "manager al tres" (isn't that the French phrase for "two birds in your hands is better than one little bush"? I say he's a horny RINO!

  2. Gibson's Law:

    "The future, eventually, will find you out. The future, wielding unimaginable tools of transparency, will have its way with you. In the end, you will be seen to have done that which you did."

  3. What a fool...

    How do you get to be 54 and still gush about sexual (mis)adventures like a teenager to a general audience?

    Next we'll be hearing about how he lights his farts...

  4. She looks like she snorts when she laughs.

    He looks like he farts when he laughs.

    They probably shared a few laughs over the years.

  5. The worst part is him being stupid enough to think these women had any real interest in him.The lobbiest played him like the fool he is,and he bragged about it.

  6. I think the GOP should pony up and pay for some WARNING: WET STAIRS signs. That fella's spermatazoan army gave their all, like salmon hurtling against the current and the falls, and we should be warned to not step on the puddles of Bragster's Spooge, for they have striven so valiantly!

    Jesus can now forgive him so that Duvall can wield his Balls of Power for years to cum.


  7. Anonymous12:55 PM

    Hey, General, have you read this guy's stuff?

  8. Bukko, I'm pretty sure Fox Noise will be identifying this sinner as a Democrat. They did it to Sanford after he got caught hiking the Appalachian trail, and Mark Foley after he got caught sexting teenage boys.

  9. That is so nasty. And I have to agree. At what age do Republicons grow up and stop bragging about bagging fluff and pink? Seriously though, things I could have lived my whole life without ever knowing about in great detail.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.