They were right. The Rapture occurred just after Sundown last night. It was pretty cool. I was just sitting there in my underwear, eating Cheetos, and typing away on the internets tubes, exposing Obama for eating the entire cast of Touched by an Angel, and all of a sudden, I found myself sitting in a booth in some celestial Cracker Barrel sharing chicken fried steak with Ronald Reagan, Anita Bryant, Jesus, and Lee Greenwood.
I guess Lee and I were part of the very few to make the cut. Jesus said he liked my Spermatazoan-American liberation work and zapped me up so I could be the Official Blogger of the Rapture (that's why you can read this). And He said He grabbed Mr. Greenwood because He received a lot of prayers asking Him to shut the singer up. Lee seemed to be OK with that as long as he could still sell tees.
It's been pretty cool for the most part. I could have gone without Grandma telling me she saw me pat my robertson all those times--she wasn't happy about it. But in the end, even that was good, because it gave me an idea. I've spent the last few hours watching celebrities fornicate. Anita helped me out with that. She says she "loves watching the Pope get his freak on."
President Reagan is very excited about the Tribulation beginning. "Best thing since the War on Terror," he says. He's organizing Tribulation watching parties with Roberto D'Aubuisson. Should be a lot of fun.
Well, I gotta go. God's hearing Orly Taitz's lawsuit about Jesus' being born in Samaria.
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