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Friday, September 11, 2009

The Opinuary Column

The Opinion "Not even the dumbest, fattest-ass Southern white Republican will yell out like some damn fool yokel in front of both houses of congress during the President's speech on healthcare" has taken a good, long pull on a jug of moonshine and blown its own head off in a terrible bullet catching accident. And yes sir, it is a most demonstrably dead Opinion if ever there was one.

The Opinion, born and raised in a stucco cabin situated on the outskirts of some god-awful creeping moss pile of a town in South Carolina, enjoyed its brief life to the fullest and will be sorely missed by all of us who coincidentally believed that Foghorn Leghorn would stop beating that big hound's ass with a two-by-four every single time the opportunity presented itself. Let's face it: we who thought such things are just as dumb as a post, if that.

Family of the Opinion wish to thank everyone who ever held out the hope that privileged white men who insist that their dicks and the South will rise again will have the good taste to bite their tongues clean in two, the same way that they would have our nation cleaved in two. Talk of brown people, profit-mongering health insurance companies, Big Pharma, a faint hope of a Public Option--who would have thought such a convergence of topics spoken by a mixed-race President could have so agitated a god-fearing white man that he prematurely shot his load with the alacrity of a teenage boy at his first lap dance?

In lieu of donations read the Gettysburg Address or Moby Dick or Catcher in the Rye or whatever lights the bonfires of your mind. You'll be glad you did.


The Opinuary Column appears Friday afternoons at Jesus' General.



  1. Joe Wilson: "You lie!"

    Translation: "I'm a xenophobe!"

  2. i was concentrating on how beautiful the HHS SEcretary was and then obama said teh word 'lie'
    and then that big redneck man said 'liar'
    and then balloons and confetti fell from teh ceiling and they had to airbrush that part out

  3. How about the opinion of "Members of Congress would never bring handguns into the Chamber and wave them around during a Presidential speech?" Is that opinion still alive?

    Maybe it's just pre-born. I reckon that first, Congress will have to pass a rule stating that it's OK for members of Congress to open-carry weapons wherever they choose. After all, it's a dangerous world out there, because so many people are hating on Congressmen and carrying guns. Congressmen need to carry guns to protect themselves. And it's their Second Amendment Right, goldurnit!

    If "Second Amendment Freedom in Congress" is put to a vote, can you imagine more than a dozen or so pantywaist libruls who would vote against it? I await the day when the National Riflemanufacturer's Assassination starts pushing this proposal, so we can see which oneathem whipped mutts answers the dog whistle, and which are gonna lose their seats come the next illiction.

    And once that's passed, we'll see which is deader -- the Opinion, or any preznit who dares to rile up any Congressman who supports the Second Amendment, and Freedom!

  4. Rob Miller, Joe Wilson’s Democratic opponent in the 2010 congressional race, has raised over $750,000 since Wednesday night and has taken a one-point lead in the latest poll. So what’s CNN’s online headline today?

    “Wilson raises more than $200K since outburst.”

    Stay classy, mainstream media!


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.