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Friday, October 30, 2009

OB/GYN Assassin's Fundraiser Responds to My Email

Godly coerced childbirth advocate Dave Leach responds to my email about his failed effort to raise money for Dr. Tiller's assassin, Scott Roeder:

Message-ID: <04195282c48c4c9884301d1f5538204a@trustjesus>
From: "Uncle-Ed"
To: "Gen. JC Christian, patriot"
Subject: Re: the auction

Unfortunately, the cookbook contains dull, bland, politically unimaginative ways to prepare FOOD.

However, several years ago there was a video we made of several of us with paper sacks over our heads discussing exactly the kind of information you seek, in anticipation of the day when abortion will once again be illegal and Bort Hunts will be legal. We will be sure to run that video by the eBay Politically Correct Department.

Dave
Here's my reply.

Dave Leach
Coerced Childbirth Enforcer

Dear Mr. Leach,

Hmmm, "bort hunts?" Are you sure that's the most efficient way to go after OB/GYNs? Think about it. You can only shoot so many doctors. But if you teach Fetus-Americans to defend themselves, there's no limit to the number of OB/GYNs they could take out.

Training them won't be easy. I know that from experience. I spent years developing tiny handguns for Fetus-Americans. Unfortunately, they have such bad hand/eye coordination and shoot/no shoot judgment, there is no way I could turn them loose in the womb with a loaded gun.

But perhaps a weapon isn't the answer. Ninja training might be enough. I'm working on a video system that can show martial arts movies inside the uterus. Put the little Fetus-Americans in a ninja outfit and show them "Enter the Dragon" a couple of times and they'll be ready for battle.

Can you imagine the fear that would be generated in the medical community if a ninja-cloaked fetus leapt out of a uterus, drove his stumpy little proto-hand into the doctor's ribcage, pulled out the his heart, and showed it to him before he keeled over? It'd be just like the movies.

Or maybe we should just give them pointed sticks. What do you think?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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12 comments:

  1. I'm not sure a pointed stick inside the womb would be all that much less risky than a tiny, loaded pistol...

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  2. General, Sir:

    Tell me that this fuckwad actually wrote this and sent it from his own equipment. WTF is he trying to do, hang all of the Warriors Helping Infenitismal Zygotes Kids in one fell swoop?

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  3. Pointed stick? Gettin' all 'igh and mighty, are we? Fresh fruit not good enough?

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  4. Isn't this where Counsellor von Ebers comes in and says:

    "Ooooh, you lot 'ad pointy sticks? How posh! Why when I was a spermatazoan warrior, if we wanted to poke someone, we 'ad to sharpen our flagellae!"

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  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  6. No, Demo. This is where I drop the 16 ton weight.

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  7. I love the 16-ton weight. I love being able to defend myself against an assailant trying to attack me with a bannana. I love marching around the square. Also.

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  8. Wow, i really hope none of these "bort hunts" become legal... I have sent so many insentient cells to their deaths that I believe Mr. Leach may be targeting me next!! Don't check my blankets, happy socks or thrown away tissues please!!

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  9. What is wrong with that guy's mouth. He looks like a blowup (albeit v ugly) sex toy.

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  10. Ummm, no. Actually, I think he's prolly a "blow YOU up sex toy.".

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  11. Wow, i really hope none of these "bort hunts" become legal... I have sent so many insentient cells to their deaths that I believe Mr. Leach may be targeting me next!! Don't check my blankets, happy socks or thrown away tissues please!!

    Don't worry! If "bator" hunts become legal, they will be suicide missions...

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  12. "Unfortunately, [Fetus Americans] have such bad hand/eye coordination and shoot/no shoot judgment, there is no way I could turn them loose in the womb with a loaded gun."

    You seem to have forgotten that liberal shitfucks have passed laws against age discrimination, and therefore the Second Amendment (hallowed be its name) cannot be denied good Christian Fetus Americans.

    Why do you hate Amerkuh?

    ReplyDelete

We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.