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Thursday, December 10, 2009

Dr. Dino's Dissertation

Kent "Dr. Dino" Hovind worked very hard to earn a doctorate from Patriot University. Here are a few excerpts from his dissertation.

In the beginning, there was a guy named Kent:
Hello, my name is Kent Hovind. I am a creation science evangelist. I live in Pensacola, Florida. I have been a high school science teacher since 1976. I've been very active in the creation/evolution controversy for quite sometime.
Satan wants to rewrite Genesis:
In the twentieth century the major attack Satan has launched has been against the first eleven chapters of Genesis. He knows that the entire Bible stands or falls on the validity of these chapters.
But Kent keeps an open mind:
If the Bible says that something was created a certain way, then that is Just the way it happened. Now, as a science teacher, I want to keep an open mind and understand why, how, and when God created the earth, if those things can be known.
Sometimes "new knowledge" means "wild ass guess:"
Some things in this book I couldn't prove to anyone. I only ask that you realistically look at the ideas presented and ask yourself the simple question, "does this key open the lock, dc,es this answer the question?" If it does--it Just might be right.
Darwin, Satan, and Eve share an apple:
I would like to trace the history of evolution beginning with the fall of Satan from heaven, through the last six thousand years, to modern-day evolution, and explain what those teaching this doctrine have planned for the future.

To really understand the history of evolution, we have to understand the author. Satan is the master-mind behind this false doctrine. He was thrown out of heaven because of his desire to exalt himself to godhood.
Satan was a frustrated choir director:
I personally believe that Satan fell from heaven about a hundred years after the creation of Adam and Eve... He had been God's choir director since he was created. His desire to be God was thwarted when God cast him out of heaven.
Science hinders science:
In the mid 1500's, Galileo, under penalty of death by the Catholic church, had to recant his awful heresy of teaching that the moon was not smooth. He had dared to suggest that the doctrines of Aristotle as taught by the church could be wrong! He wrote a second book to say that he was wrong and that the moon was perfectly smooth...We face the same thing today. The faulty teaching of evolution is hindering scientific progress.
Voltaire consorted with the gay;
Voltair had a deist friend as a young man named Abbe de Chateuneuf, a bachelor and probably a homosexual.
Darwin's grandfather was fat like Michael Moore:
Another man that is very important as we trace the history of evolution is Erasmus Darwin, the grandfather of Charles Darwin. He was born in 1731 and died in 1802. He was an extremely fat person. In fact, he was so fat they had to cut a curve in the dining room table so that he could get up to the table.
Evolutionists just want to fornicate:
I think it is not a coincidence that people who are atheists or evolutionists frequently have a wicked lifestyle or at least a lifestyle against the plain teachings of the Bible. Therefore, evolution is an easy way for them to Justify their lifestyle. the problem is one of philosophy, not one of science. They don't want there to be a God because of their wicked lifestyle. That is their real problem.
Darwin invaded Poland:
Hitler was an evolutionist and it was the crazy doctrine of evolution that is fundamentally responsible for World" War II.
Kent really digs "Jupiter rocks:"
Bring back a Mars rock or a Jupiter rock, I'll eat it or lick it. There is no life on the other planet.
How we know the Earth is around 6000 years old:
By adding up the fact that Adam was 130 years old when Seth was born, and how old Seth was when his son was born, and so on, we can come up with a fairly accurate time. That would be about six thousand years ago...There may be some slight error. For instance, was Adam 130 and a half years old when Seth was born? Are the dates rounded off to the nearest year? Was it on his birthday when his son was born.

Dr. Dino blogs from jail.

Ali G interviews Dr. Dino.

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  1. Fie on Dr. Mr. Hovind for appropriating the scholarly work of another as his own! It was the Anglican Archbishop James Ussher who, in 1650, pegged the birthday of the earth as Sunday, October 23, 4004, beginning at sunset of the 22nd (so I guess we should celebrate on 10/22 really), based on a careful computation of the incredible lifespans of the Old Testament prophets which were much more than the pitiful 'three score and ten' the rest of us sinful slobs get. I realize plagiarism isn't specifically condemned by Jehovah, but the Almighty hasn't made any other worlds with people on them, has He? That's proof enough for me that God frowns on plagiarists like Dr. Mr. Hovind!

    Of course, what might save the Good Doctor from the eternal fire of damnation would be his Patriot University diploma -- I wonder if he bought the chintzy five-buck silver-edged model or the more Godly $10.00 gilt-edged style?

  2. He knows that the entire Bible stands or falls on the validity of these [first eleven chapters of Genesis] chapters.

    So Christ's message was window dressing?

    You can safely wipe your ass with that diploma, pop.

    I just commented on this very issue at The Opinuary...

  3. Why does this dumbshit keep capitalizing the word "Just"? I hate bullshitters that can't proofread. At least make your bullshit easy on my eyes, you religious fanatic dumbshits.

    I'll lick a Mars cock, too. Oh, wait... what did he say?

  4. Once again Lilith and that gang out in the Biblical boondocks, the tribe that provided Cain and Seth with wives -- apparently a separate and unheralded creation of the Supreme Being with its own Genesis story -- get short shrift here.

    Also, since Adam and the Boys were around before Onan, was it a sin to masturbate back then, especially in front of the family? Clergy are unclear on this point.

    Certainly the Creationist Museum has no exhibit dedicated to this subject.

    BTW, eating rocks has apparently gone to Hovind's head.

  5. Did anyone look/read the proported work? and is the PFD complete? No table of contents; no notes-foot or otherwise, no bibliography no citation whatsoever. The thing reads like an average high school kid got together after sunday school and stiched that monster together (101 pages) Completely vapid with no redeeming quality. Really, length aside, ive seen 7th graders who write better than that

  6. It's good to see that Patriot University has such high standards for its doctoral degrees.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.