Dinosaur Adventure Land
Dear Dr. Dino,
I'm glad you're making the best of your stay at the Escambia County Jail. Five souls saved in less than a month is a heck of a good start, and given what you've told us about all your cellmates being "starved for real affection," I'm sure you'll be washing many more in the blood of Jesus very soon.
Still, I sense that you may not be telling us the whole story. I mean, why have you been without a pillow for eight days? Did someone steal it from you? If so, did you jump the perp and beat him senseless with a sock full of soap? I certainly hope so, because if you didn't, everyone will think you're a punk. You'll have nothing after that. They'll strip your cell clean and make you sell smack in the exercise yard.
I hope you don't think things will get better once you're finally sentenced and transferred to a federal penitentiary. The reputation you've earned in jail will follow you wherever you go. If I were you, I'd start scrounging the jail for things like empty plastic shampoo bottles. Then, I'd hide them in a place where they won't be stolen and wait for God to turn them into a nice, little, metal-detector-defeatable shank to use against that big, mean son of a bitch in cellblock C.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Previously on Jesus' General
Dr. Dino is a Survivor
On the sixth day, God created dinosaurs