Candidate for Congress
Florida 24th District
Dear Mr. Sinclair,
You should consider retiring your slogan, "I have served my time, now it's time I serve my Country." Felony convictions and prison time are not the kind of thing that motivates the average person to support a candidate. You need to find something else upon which to base your campaign.Sure, you'll have to address your criminal history--your opponents and the media will demand it--but you must do it in the right way. Rather than arguing whether you served 11 or 16 years, you should be stressing the more patriotic aspects of the crime. You're not a check forger and a thief, you're an uber-traditional capitalist like the contractors at Halliburton, the derivative traders at Goldman-Sachs, and the La Cosa Nostra's loan officers. Respond to inquiries about your criminal record accordingly, by loudly declaring the questioner to be a god-denying socialist.
As for the slogan, you're a celebrity and you should take advantage of that. I mean, hey, you're known for your claim that Obama put his manly source of white insecurity into your mouth--capitalize on that. Make it work for you. Imagine the support you would receive from the birther-American community if you declared, "Obama tasted like a Kenyan!"
That's the basis of your new slogan: "Larry Sinclair: The Only Man Who Can Testify That Obama Tastes Like A Kenyan."
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
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