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Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Tastes like Kenyan

Larry Sinclair
Candidate for Congress
Florida 24th District

Dear Mr. Sinclair,

You should consider retiring your slogan, "I have served my time, now it's time I serve my Country." Felony convictions and prison time are not the kind of thing that motivates the average person to support a candidate. You need to find something else upon which to base your campaign.

Sure, you'll have to address your criminal history--your opponents and the media will demand it--but you must do it in the right way. Rather than arguing whether you served 11 or 16 years, you should be stressing the more patriotic aspects of the crime. You're not a check forger and a thief, you're an uber-traditional capitalist like the contractors at Halliburton, the derivative traders at Goldman-Sachs, and the La Cosa Nostra's loan officers. Respond to inquiries about your criminal record accordingly, by loudly declaring the questioner to be a god-denying socialist.

As for the slogan, you're a celebrity and you should take advantage of that. I mean, hey, you're known for your claim that Obama put his manly source of white insecurity into your mouth--capitalize on that. Make it work for you. Imagine the support you would receive from the birther-American community if you declared, "Obama tasted like a Kenyan!"

That's the basis of your new slogan: "Larry Sinclair: The Only Man Who Can Testify That Obama Tastes Like A Kenyan."

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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  1. I gotta say, his mouth is not purty. Does he gots enny teeth inthere?

  2. Has Orly Taitz Esq. heard about Sinclair yet? Since even Mommie Dearest from Wasilla quickly dropped the Birther nonsense, Orly is no doubt on the prowl for some new bit of crackpottery to invest her time in, when she's not indulging in dentistry, lawyering, real estate agentry or pestering the media for attention.

  3. How about "Is that a Kenyan in your mouth or are you just running for office?"


  4. It was my understanding that convicted felons can't run for public office. I don't even think they can vote.

    I'm going to have to do some research.

  5. Tattlesnake, Orly not only knows Sinclair, she tried to convince him to commit perjury. (Sinclair is one of the people who filed an affadavit against her.)

  6. ...I thought Halliburton, Goldman/Sachs, and La Cosa Nostra were all in bed with government? You should have pointed to someone like union-hating John Mackey or megalomaniac Steve Jobs if you want to refer to Capitalists.

    But anyway, check forgers are anti-capitalists. They are, in a way, counterfeiting. So you should have called him a commie and pointed to Kim Jong Il or something.

  7. General, Sir:

    This is a burning issue, but here's one that's even hotter:

    That good, old fashioned southern courtliness.

  8. If you're behind bars and you find a man's... uh, rod of manliness... in your toothless mouf, is it proper to call it a "little prisoner" instead of a "little soldier"? What about if it's a big one? I've heard that they exist. Looking straight down, I could not personally attest to that. But I keep looking sideways at mass-pissing situations such as bars and football games to further my research. Fat lips and black eyes are a high price to pay for scientific examination, though.

  9. Kenyan -- wasn't he one of the Wayans brothers? Are the Teapots now alleging Obama was behind 'Living Color'?

  10. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.