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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Gitmo Detainiees Use Magical Hip Hop Powers To Turn Guard

Cliff May
National Review

Dear Mr. May,

Although Obama ordered the CIA to give the intel a code word security classification, we all know that the Gitmo detainees have special superpowers that threaten the very existence of the republic. That's why the entire GOP and their allies in Democratistan are so courageously opposing their transfer to federal prisons in the US.

No one seems to know what these super powers are exactly--I suspect the ability to shoot laser beams out of their eyes and use anal microwave generators to cook hampsters--but, I think this story about an ex-Gitmo guard gives us a hint:
The prisoners arriving on planes, in goggles and jump suits, from Afghanistan were termed by then US defence secretary Donald Rumsfeld as the "worst of the worst". But after getting to know some of the English-speaking detainees, Mr Neely [the guard] started to have doubts all of them were fanatical terrorists.

He recalls how when he and Mr Ahmed chatted through the bars at Guantanamo, they had a surprising amount in common.

"It was no different from me sitting at the bar with a friend of mine talking about women or music," says Mr Neely. "He would say, 'you ever listen to Eminem or Dr Dre' and he threw off a little rap and it was just funny. I thought how could it be somebody is here who's doing the same stuff that I do when I'm back home."
Mr Neely was 22 when he worked at the camp and left after six months to serve in Iraq. But after quitting the military his doubts about Guantanamo began to crystallise. This led to a spontaneous decision last year to reach out to his former prisoners.
There you have it. Hip Hop music is making our children all Muslimy. I'm surprised we didn't see it before. After all, Public Enemy has that song about 911 being a joke, and what the hell is going on with Flavor Flav's clocks? Bombs maybe?

Perhaps we should just follow your advice and execute them all...by feeding them to lions, or better yet, crucifixion.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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11 comments:

  1. General, Sir:

    Whoa, up there, podner--Sir! Are you sayin' what I think you're sayin? If teh Hip Hop is turnin' merKKKin youngsters all Islamarappic, ya gotta wonder about Mr. Michael Steele. He's been tryin' to get down with the young "homo's" (is that the right term, or is it "homies"?), what's up wit dat? Has he gone over to the dark side? Well, I mean, metaforically?

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  2. I'm thinking the true subversive power being used here is the sucking of brain wave energy.

    Poor ole Mr. Neely was completely rooked. A Hoover couldn't have done a better job of relieving him of his fear n'defensive brain juices, leaving him vulnerable and far below the true Merkan average. He's been reduced to the gullibility of a foreigner. Oh, fie...

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  3. I think that everything since the DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince has been Anti-American.

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  4. Tit for Tat City
    apologies to Bowie & Friends

    (Yemen) oh blow up the guys you know
    (Yemen) oh baby, send in the drones, I gotta
    (Yemen) I think the law is a waste
    This yellow chicken hawk is gonna blow up the place

    (Yemen) he's raining cain
    (Yemen) he misses Saddam Hussein
    (Yemen) he misses ole Vietnam
    He said he had to bleed it but he...and then he...

    Oh don't scheme on me man, where is your baggage ticket
    We're back in Tit for Tat city
    Oh don't scheme on me man
    Cause you gonna make them martyrs
    You know its Tit for Tat City
    A blinding light...its outta sight

    (Yemen) Ah Cliff May, cruel to be kind, go away
    (Yemen) Then you can show us the way, okay
    (Yemen) stooges don't flash here
    There's lots of room for the guns and they come,
    here they come

    Oh don't scheme on me man, where is your baggage ticket
    We're back in Tit for Tat city
    Oh don't scheme on me man
    Cause you gonna make them martyrs
    You know its Tit for Tat City
    A blinding light...its outta sight

    Oh, bomb me

    Oh don't scheme on me man, where is your baggage ticket
    We're back in Tit for Tat city
    Oh don't scheme on me man
    Cause you gonna make them martyrs
    You know its Tit for Tat City
    A blinding light...its outta sight

    (etc.)

    ++++

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  5. Mmmmmmmmmmm, Muslimy. Thanks for that one Sir.

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  6. I hope they don't have the power to turn us into newts...

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  7. Thank God we have the Lord's president in office, who is reported to want $708 billion, a new record, for our wars against brown muslims.

    I always felt that Bush wasn't serious enough, and didn't spend enough, on things like torture, bombs, napalm, and rape. We needed a change, and thanks to our new Lord and Savior in the White House (who never listened to hip hop by the way), we are finally getting the CHANGE we need!

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  8. Aaaron: Obama never inhaled hip hop. Big difference. Huge.

    ++++

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  9. http://patriotboy.blogspot.com/2010/01/my-god-is-serious-god.html?showComment=1263454017407_AIe9_BGBZAdGtaAma3rBr63F1FGYFnBFyCzK4eGadB60rx6odPEtspsAQ1xRdjDTNCLd_aIjKtX9aDqTxUzI9Fa_WmuLSZT3fAsnqWly16QCtgmbtjkGEJtdvS25a9XD7Me_KAltoWLZ-0tAFRz4-i5D2NxMGOHskKVv2jwXNweiK_urQK075r6H5_tdk6eM0l7tA7p-evmaxtgcO3x8iZUDzaOY9QHoDg_VkyA__Jix8_FaEfd8zJM#c3687666334353364703

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  10. Re: Public Enemy -- don't forget this one: http://blip.fm/profile/vallor/blip/32180059/Public_Enemy-10-Son_Of_A_Bush

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  11. MJS, true that! :)

    Incidentally, my favorite rap song of all time is NWA's "Fuck Tha Police!"

    ReplyDelete

We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.