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Friday, February 12, 2010
The Opinuary Column
Posted by mjs
The Opinion "Corporations should have the same civil rights as afforded to the nation's human population" has died in a skiing accident in Aspen, Colorado. At the time of its death it had a blood alcohol content of .38%, and traces of Xtasy, hash oil and Dilaudid were also found in its system. And speed. And anti-depressants. And cocaine. Neighbors reported that the Opinion had been hosting an increasing number of parties in the past few weeks, and police had been called out a number of times due to complaints about the noise from loud music, etc. Additional complaints were lodged concerning the vomiting and public urination in the area around the Opinion's home.
The Opinion, a darling of plutocrats, oligarchists and some of the wealthiest assholes you will ever witness wreaking havoc on a country obliged to let them wreak, lived a happy childhood in the late 19th Century, when it was afforded a legal status equal to human beings. Alas, it lacked genitalia, so it could not reproduce like people, and it lacked a heart, so it could not feel like people: it was in fact an abstraction, and could not manifest itself in any way in the physical world except as a fictitious pronouncement. Though it could not laugh or cry, it did both with joy the day it became a person, much like the fictional Pinocchio had done when he at last became a boy and could start destroying the world bit by bit, piece by piece.
In January of 2010, the Supreme Court of the United States decided it was the Blue Fairy and would provide legal cover for its fake little human buddy to rule the country by way of the massive amounts of money it could inject into an already jaundiced political system. The vote was 5 to 4, the same margin that placed George W. Bush in the White House, known as the Ooh-la-la of coup d'etats...
In lieu of flowers the family of the late Opinion just wants you to know that you are nothing, that the deck is stacked, that the dice have been rigged, that the game is fixed. Should that bother you in any way, too bad: they don't even have to buy you off anymore. Good luck with that democracy thing. Quite an idea in its day.
The Opinuary Column appears most Fridays at Jesus' General.