Texas Sate School Board
Dear Mrs. Leo,
It looks like your hard work fighting heretical scientists is finally achieving results. According to a recent poll, 30 percent of all Texans now believe that people coexisted with dinosaurs. But as good as thirty percent is, it's not a hundred percent--there is much more you can do. It's time to take another look at your biology curriculum to see if it's providing the faith-based instruction our children need.
From what I understand, the curriculum fails to even mention the most important evidence confirming human-dinosaur relations. The Bedrock Drawings are a series of pictures that when stitched together in the correct order offer an animated look at a stone-age family and its dinosaur pets and dinosaur-powered appliances and communications and lawn-care equipment.
But it's what's not there, that makes the Bedrock Drawings especially useful for education purposes. Stone-age people did not have sex. Heck, the guys didn't even have thingies. Masturbation was unknown. What a world it must have been.
Sure, the lack of an outlet made Mr. Slate angry, but that's a small price to pay if it means ending bad touching.
Heterosexually yours in a chaste, biblical, and unitless kind of way,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
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I think all Texas children should learn about the Midianite volcano deity who was (and is!) obsessed with male genitalia. Heck, we can start calling them Texas Shlonghorns.
ReplyDeletep.s. You get a few feet of snow in the eastern states in winter and the True Believers say it disproves any and all Global Warming theories. On the other hand, you have over 2,000 years of waiting around for a flying messiah to come back and kill heathens and he never shows up (except on tortillas, etc.) but their stated belief in Bronze Age dogma is said to grow stronger. Gotta respect a pile of manure that large!
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Yabba Dabba Doo! Now whar's ma gigantosaurus rib dinner?? Ohmagawd! the car's tipped over!!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, the vehicles depicted in the Bedrock Drawings do not burn fossil fuels to operate and are therefore unholy.
ReplyDeletePolice State video,
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHCBmpfr0t4
Please, no more anything from, by, or about Texas till the Parousia. Or until Texas secedes again whichever comes first.
ReplyDeleteIts common knowledge that dinos luv those little hairless mammals. Tasty snak, ya know
ReplyDelete