Texas Sate School Board
Dear Mrs. Leo,
Back in the 7th grade, I had a metal shop teacher who everyone called Cheetah. He earned the nickname because he looked like Tarzan's chimp sidekick.
A scarred, hairless patch on one cheek bore testament that he was also a bit of an eccentric. It was the result of an invention gone bad, and maybe that's a good thing, because the libislamunistofascists would try to outlaw a gasoline-powered shaver anyway.
We kids were pretty mean to Mr. Cheetah. The school stopped serving bananas because the peels were always left in front of his shop door.
Often, before class, we'd turn the soldering irons around so that the handles were placed inside the furnace. Once they were heated until almost glowing, we'd turn them back around to their normal position. You'd think he'd learn, but he fell for it every time. He'd start doing a demonstration on proper soldering techniques by grabbing hold of the soldering iron. then he'd scream, throw it to the floor, and run to the wash basin using words that made us good Mormon boys blush. This went on for years. We had learned it from older brothers and cousins.
We did this because we were not taught the biblical values that would make us to respect our elders. Secularislamunistofascists said teaching religion violated the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment to the Constitution, so we were left without God's guidance in our scholarly endeavors.
But you're changing that. You're bringing biblical and conservative values into the Texas curriculum. I'd like to be a part of that.
I've developed a system for teaching respect that is based on 2 Kings 2:23-24. You know the story. A bunch of kids taunt Elisha by calling him "thou bald head," and he uses the power of the Lord to summon a pair of she-bears to eat them, or as God said it, "tare forty and two children of them." It's a great tale and an even better lesson in respect.
I've purchased a couple of bears from a circus. All I need now is a contract and a list of the schools where I'll be working.
Can we set up a meeting to discuss it?
Heterosexually yours in a chaste, biblical, and thoroughly she-bear-mongering kind of way,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
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