Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Thursday, March 04, 2010

Republican Jesus on the Persecution of His People

Alabama Family Values

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  1. General, Sir,

    You forgot this one.

    ... it was a warm, starry night...

  2. Anonymous10:12 AM

    I love readding, and thanks for your artical.........................................

  3. In Vatican City the age of consent is 12.

  4. Yo Jeff, isn't that pretty young for a priest?

  5. If I don't got a 14-year-old cuzzin in Alabama, but I wanna, ahem, "propose" to one for an hour or two to see if she's worth getting hitched to, do they allow ennything like those Mahometan "temporary marriages" in 'Bama? Why do those turban-toters get to have all the fun, ennyway?

    BTW, I never dreamt there was a website all about marryin' your cuzzin. Of course, since I found out from there that Charles Darwin did it, I know that it must be teh eeeeeeeevil. But still, I wisht there had been some pictures on that site, if you know what I mean. Not of Darwin and HIS cousin, though. Ugh, the thought of nekkid bearded men doing the, ahem, "marriage act"...

  6. And whilst I'm here, I thought I'd mention a nifty new word I found during my research of that Islamarriageoterrorist website: "fornicatress."

    It is reprehensible for a man to conclude a marriage of mut'a with a fornicatress, by reason of the Qur'anic verse: 'The fornicator shall marry not but a fornicatress or an idolatress, and the fornicatress-none shall marry her but a fornicator or an idolator; that is forbidden to the believers' (24:3). If a man should contract a temporary marriage with a fornicatress, it is his duty to command her not to perform adultery.

    Man, I can't wait to work that word into a conversation today to show everyone how smart I am!

  7. Bill from Dover said...

    Yo Jeff, isn't that pretty young for a priest?

    Bill, you musta seen all the news stories during the past decade about Papist priests liking them young...

  8. Remember, the Republicans aren't against people having sex with members of the same gender; they're against being gay. There are at least sixty nine ways that one can have sex with someone of the same gender without being gay.

    It's not gay if you're in jail, for instance, or if you're getting paid. It's not gay if you're related to the person or if you don't really like it very much. It's definitely not gay if you're doing it to get the attention of the opposite sex.

    There are a lot of other ways it's not gay but that gives you a good sampling.

  9. When my husband's niece found herself pregnant at 18 and was marrying shortly after high school graduation, her grandparents in Georgia (luckily NOT my in-laws) did not come to California for the wedding, but sent her a letter "to be opened on your wedding day". I convinced her to open it early, and it was what I feared. It was a scathing rebuke meant to reduce her to tears before she walked down the aisle.

    It went on and on about how embarassed they were, that she'd disgraced the family name, they couldn't show their faces in church, and she should never plan to visit Georgia.

    So I looked at this sweet child and said, "Of course they're embarrased. You didn't meet Georgia standards for three reasons:
    1. You're 18 and this is your FIRST pregnancy.
    2. You know who the father is, and
    3. It's not your brother or your daddy."

  10. In an unrelated bit of Biblical commentary, WE SHOULD STONE THE KILLER KILLER WHALE!!!! And his owner, too.

    I read that blog post from the American Fambla Association and I thought "This guy must be funnin', pretending to take an outrageous position he doesn't believe, just to pull everyone's leg." But people don't really do that, do they?

  11. Mutzali:

    Some years ago, a young lady of my acquaintance (we were not intimate) told me that her parents had disowned her when she became pregnant and they didn't like the baby's father. Several years later when their "respectable" children had not produced any snotpoo machines they were ready to "relent" and accord her the pleasure of their company. I told her that she should tell them to go fuck themselves.

  12. Jeff:
    Consent is a given. It is just slightly different depending on age. Before 12, he is told to say yes. When he turns 12, he is allowed to say yes.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.