Today, I have a special treat for you. Sen. Jim Bunning has agreed to do a guest post. This is all new to him, so please be kind in your comments.
--Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Thank you, General. I thought McCain was just bullshitting me when he told me about your electric intertubes announcement machine--it sounded a lot like one of his crazy stories about telephones that can show pictures of animals "doing it." But now, I see your device really exists.
Well, I guess I stirred things by opposing an unemployment benefit extension. Good. It's time someone had the guts to rip the unemployed from Uncle Sam's teat and force them to go out and get real jobs.
There are plenty of jobs out there for a strong young man who doesn't mind running a cotton gin, splitting fence rails, making staves for barrels, pitching in front of a minor league scout, or scraping the fungus out from under the fold beneath a senator's belly. All you have to do is ask.
Heck, I had two jobs until very recently. Developers would hire me to dress up like a ghost to scare people out of their homes. I was good at it too until those meddling kids and their dog tore off my mask and exposed me. Little bastards called me "mean old Sen. Bunning," too. That hurt.
The problem with the unemployed is they think they're entitled to basic human needs like food and shelter. And then, even when you give it to them, it's never good enough. It's like when I told this poor family in my district that they could have all the corn they could find in my bowel movements. They refused to come and get it...said it wasn't sanitary...called me "mean old Sen. Bunning". But dammit, all you need to do is wash the corn and it's fine.
It's also green-freindly like those things the colored guy in the White House is always yapping about. It's recycled corn, dammit, but try telling that to the League of Conservation Voters and see if they'll give you a one on their scorecard. Commie bastards don't recognize the environmental and economic potential of recycling corn.
I bet the US Chamber of Commerce supports it. I wonder if they'd help me sell a military commissary earmark for recycled corn. I bet Halliburton would pay dearly for it. It'll help them with their sewage treatment and mess hall problems in Iraq.
OK, that's enough for today. I'm off to shop for a new phone.
Posted by Sen. Jim Bunning
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