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Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Caleb Howe's Devious Plan to Defend the TeePees.

RedState.Com editor Caleb Howe came clean last night. Contrary to libosocialist claims that he mocked Roger Ebert's cancer and subsequent loss of his jaw because he is an evil mean-spirited fuck-wit, Howe says he did it for a higher, more Rovian purpose. He did it to expose libislamunists as the true evil, mean-spirited fuck-wits.

Here's how he explains it:

You see, Roger Ebert is on Twitter too. And he can be exceedingly … unkind. He compared Arizona’s immigration law to the Holocaust. Twice. He routinely mocks “TeePees,” his adorably dismissive shorthand for tea party protesters. And most recently, in an exceedingly ill-advised and poorly-received tweet, he suggested that “Kids who wear American Flag t-shirts on 5 May should have to share a lunchroom table with those who wear a hammer and sickle on 4 July.”

Let us not today go into the ins and outs of the students sent home after refusing to cover their American flags on Cinco de Mayo. Suffice it to say that from my perspective this was an unconscionable outrage, and therefore Ebert’s escalation of the rhetoric to the level of hammer and sickle doubly so. It was an insight into him. Twitter, as we addicts believe, is real life. And in real time. And so … the plan.

It was amazingly easy to do. First, I warned Media Matters what was about to happen. Second, I began attacking Ebert with increasingly awful tweets mocking his cancer. Third, I waited.

When the hits started rolling in, I infuriatingly taunted the naysayers with non-sequiturs and your momma jokes. That’s when they started getting real. Saying awful things. Well you see, it’s ok with me. I had earned it.

And therein lay my plan. I’d wait a few days, gather the most insulting tweets, and publish.

He's amazing isn't he? He's going to go far in our old grand party, maybe all the way to the White House. Indeed, he has the brains, wit, and self awareness of a George W Bush.


  1. Indeed, he has the brains, wit, and self awareness of a George W Bush.

    And because of this, his true place in life is floating in a jar of formaldehyde, having given himself up for the good of science. Someday, mankind will find a cure.

  2. Mocking his cancer? Like "Your momma is so metastasized she had kidneys for breakfast and liver for lunch" kind of mocking? Maybe he could do stand-up at the Tumor Club, you know, mingle with the clients, radiate some warmth. He could start out working the smaller clubs, like hospice--at the end of his act he could claim "I killed 'em."


  3. Anonymous3:28 AM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  4. Let this be a shining example of the most poorly utilized power of American Conservative Thought: Unabashed Raging Assholery. Sure, most of us try, but this guy is in a class by himself.

    If all of our Republican fellow travelers took his example to heart, we would never lose an election again to them Liebrul Islamofascistreconquistatores, as the Amurican people would flock to our shit stained banner.

    One People!
    One Nation!
    One Giant Asshole!

  5. My interactions with Howe have been among the most bizarre experiences in my life on line. I went after him last weekend on Twitter, not only because his stuff about Roger Ebert was over the top but because he hit a really raw nerve – my brother Tom died of cancer last October, a godawful, painful, horrible death that I wouldn’t wish on anybody. So, I attempted to call him out, and he responded first with this clever quip: “lol. irony.” I should have known where he was going with this – I was being mean to him, so I didn’t have the right to criticize him for being mean to Roger Ebert. Except that Ebert had never attacked Howe, or anyone else, personally; whereas Howe purposefully and maliciously went after Ebert on a disgustingly personal level. So Ebert did nothing to deserve a personal attack; whereas a personal attack was exactly what Howe deserved. But, anyway, Howe did to me exactly what he says in the article here – he responded with all sorts of juvenile insults and pre-pubescent jokes, in response to which I called him a coward for being unwilling to engage in an actual debate on the subject.

    So, anyway, after he published the article the General cites here, I went after him again, saying it was a preposterous explanation for indefensible conduct. So then, lo and behold, Howe comes back to me and says that he was trying to apologize and so forth and so on … and he eventually does apologize to me, saying he’d been a douche to me and that I didn’t deserve it. But so far as I know, he’s never apologized to Roger Ebert – which was sort of the point of my ranting and raving at the guy. And now, to top it all off, good old Caleb Howe is following me on Twitter. (What did I do to deserve that?!)

    I can only imagine what kind of interactions I’ll have with the guy now …

  6. I see your hammer and sickle and raise you one crescent moon.

  7. "Caleb Howe" sounds like a blognomen--but then again, maybe it's genuine. Maybe he's some kind of monarchist fuckwad offspring of the General Howe who, much like General George McClellan was unable to "close the deal" when he had his enemy decisively beaten. Instead he let them slip from his grasp to fight another day.

    I'm sure Caleb could "close the deal", at least he could if he'd leave mom's basement.

  8. Hmmm... Problem is, 'Caleb Howe's' techniques work. Remember the old saying 'There is no such thing as bad publicity'.
    Do you think Malkin, Coulter, O'Reilly, Beck would be in the limelight if such outreageous methods didn't work?
    Ahh dammit! 'Calbe Howe' you bastard! you've ruined JC General for me! I've written a serious comment! BASTARD!

  9. there are douchebags and there are Douche Bags and then there is Caleb Howe, who is a DOUCHEBAG

  10. DaVonEb, it's amazing that you got a kkkonservative to apologize. True conservatives don't do that, even when you've conclusively backed them into a corner and pounded with incontrovertible facts. The true kkkonservative will say the facts you have gleaned from encyclopedias and scientific papers and from reality itself are mere opinions, and if they can see that that tactic isn't working, they'll just get mad, change the subject and attack YOU. Physically, if need be.

    I wonder what happened to Cletus that made him humble? Perhaps he was confronted by actual people with disfiguring cancer and intense pain, who persuaded that their plight is not a suitable subject for snarkwars. I don't know they would have penetrated his mother's basement, though.

    Since a real kkkonservative would never say he's sorry about ANYTHING, I wonder whether Caliph is REALLY one of us. Maybe he's a secretolibrulfascist! It's a typical libbo tactic -- pose as a kkkon, do something so nasty that it revolts all people currently in possession of a human soul, and use it as a way to discredit the wonderful kkkonservative movement. That's the way we need to spin it -- Cumbaya is really a liberal!


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.