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Monday, August 23, 2010

A Christian Army for A Christian Nation.

Brigadier General Brian R. Layer
Commanding General
Fort Eustis, VA

Dear Gen. Layer,

I'm very pleased to see that you're not only continuing the Commanding General's Spiritual Fitness Concert Series instituted by your predecessor, you're also improving it by punishing those who refuse to attend. I think it's a grand idea, one that I hope will spread quickly to other bases.

While it's unfortunate that activist judges continue to interpret the phrase "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof" to mean "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," it's a blessing God's shown you a way around it. You're not forcing the un-Jesused to convert, you're simply compelling them to worship and praise our Lord and Savior, Jesus H. Christ. Sure, some of the Jews, Muslims, Jehovah's Witnesses, Buddhists, Hindus, Sikhs, and atheists might complain about being forced to worship our Lord, but screw them, they aren't real Americans anyway.

That said, A news report about Nevada GOP Senate Candidate Sharron Angle alerted me to an even greater threat our soldiers face: the Army's black beret. According to Angle, black is a demonic color, a satanic color, a color she felt was so evil, she led an effort to bar a high school football team from wearing it.

Well Sir, if black is too sinful for football, it's too sinful for our military. I trust you'll ban the black beret from being worn on base.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. Why doesn't the DSM-V cover any of this? Menstruation and homosexuality are no longer considered mental disorders, but surely delusion is. Let's save the world and add bat-5hit crazy religious delusion (Angle) and coprophilic greed (Cheney, Wall Street). It's only a matter of time - probably a very, very, long time.

  2. Compulsory Christ compels you! Compulsory Christ compels you!


  3. Was there any flogging involved with that punishment? A taste of the cat? How about buggery? It's a traditional military punishment, after all, dating back to the glorious days of the British Admiralty, with buggery on the high seas. Too bad it wasn't sailors, so that Bugadier Gen. Slayer couldn't keelhaul the scurvy dogs. The Romans had the right idea to punish disobedient legions -- decimation!

    Wait -- just read the link. All they had to do was clean the barracks? Pish-tosh! I hope the infidelsoldiers had to scrub the latrines with their own toothbrushes. Stripped down to their skivvies. Yeah, the thought of a bunch of sweaty grunts in jocks, on their hands and knees in the latrines, with a drill sergeant lashing them... I don't know why that seems appropriate and exciting, but it does, in a Spartan sorta way.

  4. The beret itself, being French, is suspect. The black beret, doubly so. I would have joined the army and done my duty for Bush and Country, except for my fear of the black beret. Put one of those things on, and next thing you know you're bent over sucking on a bottle of cognac and surrendering to the first Taliban who lifts his skirt.

  5. Sir, I have to agree. What red-blooded 110% manly warrior could refuse hot chicks singing songs like “Love Is Marching”? And the one in the middle looks like she’s wearing a dead animal around her neck – Holy Mother Sarah!

  6. MOJoe, that link doesn't work. I think you were referring to the Barlow Girls. They're cute, if you like sweaty girls with big sticks, but I think they look kinda young to be swinging in front of older soldiers. WARNING! Link contains music video that is Not Safe For School.

  7. This was perfect. How else to weed out the weak in the military better than to take them to a hot christian chick rock concert?
    What would these soldiers have done when confronted by an Al-Qaida hot chick rock concert in an Afghani cave? They'd have run! They'd have surrendered!
    If they can't embrace God's hot chicks of rock, how would they resist Satan's hot chicks of rock?

  8. General, Sir:

    Umm, that post you had about the nice lady who wants to be sure that no sports teams wear "black"? I think you may need to forward her a link to TBG's website. They got on more black in someathem fotos than Satan and ALL his minions.

  9. The moment I navigated to this hilarious Yes We Scam! B.S. We Can Believe In! Obama Approval Plummets Hubpages article I determined that Patriot Boy's readers must express their opinion on this:

  10. Thanks, Bukko. (Stupid internets tubes.) I hope they gave out free concert stuff to the brave lads who did attend. Like T-shirts, I mean.

    Unfortunate name for their commander, though...General Layer....?

  11. When the smart ladies of San Francisco don basic black when lunching at Ernie's, who do they think they're kidding? Not to mention the nuns, seen wearing black habits at St. Francis elementary school.

  12. @larry - If they're lunching at Ernie's, they're kidding themselves. The restaurant closed in 1995...

  13. Oh my god, I thought it would always be there, like Crater Lake.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.