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Friday, August 06, 2010

The Opinuary Column

The Opinion "Gay men and women should not enjoy the same constitutional rights as their (purportedly) straight counterparts" has died from complications arising from an attack of reason, wisdom, compassion and love. The Opinion, born in the Bronze Age and raised in the fevered minds of dutiful religious congregations, left this world surrounded by a host of frightened, hyperbolic, fear-based family and friends. It leaves behind a bunch of suckers, and more are born every minute.

No services will be held at this time while the family weighs its options and blames Satan for its loss. Thrice married Newt Gingrich reacted to the passing of the Opinion by spewing a steady stream of undigested horse dung that cascaded like a conservative rainbow across the crimson sky. Though a palpable stench has arisen from the rotting carcass of primitive discrimination that was Proposition 8, an autopsy by federal district Judge Vaughn R. Walker has revealed that the decedent had in fact an unremarkable chest cavity, save for the absence of its heart.


god is love, satan lust
god above is what we trust
but god declines to take the stand
or on the bible place his hand
when the smoke at last is cleared
we are all equal, straight or queered



  1. Anonymous10:07 AM

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  2. Actually, the opinion's death was homicide; a brutal and cold beating at the hands of justice and logic.

    The blood of good wholesome American bigotry and ignorance is on your hands Judge Walker!

    mojo sends


    No more dead than Jason or Freddy Krueger or any of the other superheroes from the slasher films. (Wimpy leeberuls might consider relentless killers to be chillin' villains, but patriotikkkonsevatives know that these types are the essence of manly hood.) Jace and Freddo keep rising up and coming back again, like if they were agile zombies who could carry sharp hurty things. Sodomisteric marriage will do the same.

    For the next two years, at least through the presidilential illection summer of 2012, the American people can be whipped into a frenzy over this. And the Meskins.

    Thank the good ol' pre=Christian God of Leviticus for this. Since it's so important! Because otherwise, people might start thinking about why they don't have a job, and why they have to be afraid that terrrrrrrists are going to kill them unless the BigGovamintThatCan'tDoAnythingRite spies on them and locks Bad People in dungeons, and why they're going to die of heart attacks or diabetes because they don't have enough chickens to pay the doctor.

    That's so DEPRESSING! I know I'd much rather think about the ghey Meskins instead.

  4. When I think about some of the people I'm equal to, I get so depressed. It's not fun being equal to Ann Coulter, dammit! I say let's bring back discrimination and not allow morons to get married.

  5. Anonymous7:28 PM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  6. Bukko: the Opinion is most assuredly dead, but as a Zombie Opinion it does a pretty good job of passing for a living opinion. "Passing for being alive" is zombie-lingo used by the trans-animate crowd, and makes them "twitter so." They're cute, but they'll still eat your brains.


  7. Not a lot of times I’m genuinely proud to be a lawyer; this was one of ’em.

    Also, nice to see that California AG Jerry Brown and Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger have elected not to ask for a stay of enforcement pending appeal – which means marriages should be able to go forward in the meantime.

    Oh, and Anne: You’ll always be more equal to the Coultress in our eyes.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.