Transportation Safety Administration
Department of Homeland Security
Dear Mr. Bob,
As a proudly frightened American, I'm an avid reader the TSA's blog. I find it to be a good way to keep up with all the great work the State Security Apparatus is doing. Your recent post about aggressively intimate pat-down procedures and advanced naked folks viewing and crony retirement enhancement technology (ANFVCRET) was particularly fascinating. I'm hoping you'll do a follow-up and answer a few of the questions I have about pat-downs and ANFVCRET.
The new aggressively intimate pat-down procedures sound interesting. Does it have to be done at the airport? Wouldn't it be more convenient for everyone if you offered an outcall service. You know, the traveler could call ahead and have a screener come to his hotel room to do the pat-down in private before heading out to the airport. It'd certainly shorten the lines at security.
OK, here's another one. Let's say I have a friend who was just elected to the Senate and needs to travel from, say, Louisville, KY to Washington, DC. Now, this friend has a bad weasel infestation at his house. These are the worst kind of weasels. They're toothless and clawless, and look like they've been shaved--really ugly critters. And the worst thing is that they're always crawling up inside my friend. He's worried you'll be able to see the weasels on your ANFVCRET machine. Is that the case? How far can the machine see inside you?
Thanks for your time. I hope you'll consider answering my questions on your blog. I suspect a lot of folks have the same questions.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Not Related to the Above: My grandson just told me he wants something called Sonic Colors for Christmas. This is my reminder.
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