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Monday, November 22, 2010

Saturated with Hot Loads of Anointing

Pastor Rod Parsley
World Harvest Church

Dear Pastor Parsley,

I've admired you and your Great and Terrible Sword of Anointing for many years. Your fights to defend love segregation and to stop the slaughter of Blastocyst-Americans have turned you into a hero for Patriot-Americans like me. That's why Sen. John McCain spent months personally begging you for an endorsement.

Your hard work has also brought you many enemies. They include libislamunucistofascist clerics like Dan Shultz, or as the Kosunists call him, Pastor Dan. Here's what he had to say about you awhile back:
Anytime somebody like Rod Parsley - whose ordination consists of allegedly having a "sword of anointing" passed on from another revivalist, who lives in sumptuous wealth, whose family all seems to live in sumptuous wealth, who has been sued multiple times and had to settle lawsuits against his own father and teachers at his church, who lives in the pocket of war-mongers and free-market dogmatists, who wants to establish a theocratic government - anytime Rod Parsley wants to compare notes with me on what the penniless itinerant preacher and Prince of Peace Jesus Christ had to say on abortion, I'd be happy to consult with him. Until that time, he can stick his definition of orthodoxy where the sun don't shine.
Amazing. Here's a pastor who God hasn't even deemed worthy enough to bless with a Great and Terrible Sword of Anointing, and he has the temerity to lecture you, a sword bearer, about Jesus.

Have you been to Pastor Dan's site, Street Prophets? It's an absolute disgrace. They don't even sell relics to help people receive God's love. That's something you do all the time. Heck, it was only last Friday when you tweeted about a great deal on "a prayer cloth saturated with the anointing of great intercessors." Here's a screen cap:

I'd like to get in on that deal myself, but as a wholesaler rather than a consumer. I have a lot of cloths that are saturated with my anointing. I'm willing to make you a deal on them. Surely, you could use them. I mean, hey, how many can you anoint by yourself in a day?

Well, wrestling's on the tee vee, now. I'm going to go get some anointing in.

Please get back to me soon with your answer.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen JC Christian, patriot


  1. Hey, I grew up Catholic, and that “prayer cloth saturated w/the anointing of great intercessors” even made me blush.

  2. I liked him when his name was Dick Garnish.

  3. I ordered one those, but it was so stiff I could barely bend it around my head.

    It's for healing headaches, people. Get your minds out of the holy gutter.

  4. Being a Quaking Jew or Jewish Quaker and having Lapsed from attendance even at Providence College (Friars ! ) Basketball games, I can only say this is enlightening .

    Also there are ads for a George Fox University which are cheering given my Quaking parts.

    My tiny blog has had one visitor today ( myself ) but I have a post with a reference to the General...

    Today our mutual friend, blogmistress, Pam ( of the Blend ) is having long awaited surgery (hopefully she's already in recovery and for all I know, is actively tweeting as I type ).

  5. All the wining about the penniless "Prince of Peace" will be cleared up when the new, all Conservative, translation of the Bible is released.

  6. He should anoint ShamWows. They hold more anointment.

  7. ...and he has the temerity to lecture you, a sword bearer, about Jesus.

    When I first read that it was sword beater. Does this mean anything?

    And about that saturated prayer cloth: it wouldn't be a tube sock, would it?


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.