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Thursday, December 23, 2010

A Warrior's Panties

Del. Bob Marshall
Virginia House of Delegates

Dear Del. Marshall,

I understand what you're trying to with your bill to ban homosexualists from the Virginia National Guard, but I think you're missing the real problem here: the secret homosexualist procurement officers at the highest levels of the military who are trying to seduce our soldiers into sodomy.

You're a veteran. You know what goes on when you first arrive at boot camp. They issue you skivvies, men's skivvies. Think about that for a moment.

What do you think happens when you put those government issue men's panties on? You know the answer--your little soldier rubs up against all that man-fabric. What's more homosexualist than that? I mean, my God, you're private johnson is sliding all around inside man panties. You might as well buy the Busby Berkley Retrospective DVD box set.

That's why I wear cute little laced camo thong panties. Wearing them puts my mind at ease. With my unit safely bound in silken feminine luxury, I can concentrate on more important things like whether Obama is circumcised or not.

That's what you need in your bill--a requirement that Virginia guardsmen wear ladies panties. Do that and you won't have a problem with homosexualists in the Virginia National Guard.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. Busby Berkeley! Why, General, sir, you got me thinkin' of Ruby Keeler and how she suits the homosexualist agenda....why just look here!

  2. If futureSen. Marshall can't stop the homosexualistofascists from joining the Virgin Guards, next thing you know they'll be lettin' semi-human X-wimmens sign up. I read in the New York Times (not that you can believe much of anything in that lieburral rag) that them things could even breed with real humans! And they're from Siberia, so that would make 'em commies to boot!

    Once Virginia starts letting a bunch of hairy semi-human communist cave wimmens into its Guard, where they will mate with virile Virginnymen, it's straight to hell for the human species. Only Field Marshal Marshall can save us!

  3. General, Sir:

    I went to that website with the camo panties and other stuff. I was lookin' at all that stuff and thinkin', "Hmm, $24, for a pair of shorts that are covered with splotches of brown, green, black, tan and so forth? Hell, I already got someathem!*". You want, Sir, I could make those available to the GC(Cubed)R faithfulcredulouses for say, $16, which is a whopping 1/2 offa $24**. And the ones they'd get from me are "designer originals", no two pairs alike. The things I do for my beliefs

    * Splotchificationnessity is dependent upon diet, continence and whether or not the penile clamp was in use overnight--and, no, that is not more than you NEED to know.

    ** Plus shipping and handling of $413.42/Pr.

  4. Who's the dude pointing the big black thing at Bob? And why doesn't he look scared?

  5. First of all, you've got the state tourism slogan: "Virginia is For Lovers." Then you've got a bunch of guys running around Colonial Williamsburg in stockings and ruffles. You've got civil war re-enactors spooning each other in trenches. What I'm trying to say is that the camo panties is a good common sense solution, yes, but it's only the start to what Bob has to deal with as he ponders the homosexualist problem in his state for lo those many hours that he spends ruminating or cogitating or whatever it is that he does.

  6. Does Virginia still have a National Guard? I thought that we had made them to disarm after the unpleasantness.

  7. I admire Marshall's desire to stay with what is good and right (ie; taunting & condemning teh gay) but i think he has to be a little more practical in this instance.
    Gay men die just as well as God-fearing men. Sure, they may be a little bit dramatic about it, flailing their arms about, but they die nonetheless.
    The Virginia National Guard needs fighters. God knows it is at the vanguard of any terrorist attack on US soil. It is invariably the first shock and awe team dispatched to flashpoints with brown people everywhere in the world.
    Sometimes, it order to fill the ranks you've got to make hard decisions. Why not combine the hatred of the gay with the front line?
    I hope Delegate Marshall reconsiders.

    As the *real* state motto goes: Sic semper idem sexus


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.