Del. Bob Marshall
Virginia House of Delegates
Dear Del. Marshall,
I understand what you're trying to with your bill to ban homosexualists from the Virginia National Guard, but I think you're missing the real problem here: the secret homosexualist procurement officers at the highest levels of the military who are trying to seduce our soldiers into sodomy.
You're a veteran. You know what goes on when you first arrive at boot camp. They issue you skivvies, men's skivvies. Think about that for a moment.
What do you think happens when you put those government issue men's panties on? You know the answer--your little soldier rubs up against all that man-fabric. What's more homosexualist than that? I mean, my God, you're private johnson is sliding all around inside man panties. You might as well buy the Busby Berkley Retrospective DVD box set.
That's why I wear cute little laced camo thong panties. Wearing them puts my mind at ease. With my unit safely bound in silken feminine luxury, I can concentrate on more important things like whether Obama is circumcised or not.
That's what you need in your bill--a requirement that Virginia guardsmen wear ladies panties. Do that and you won't have a problem with homosexualists in the Virginia National Guard.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot