Sheriff, Weber County, Utah
Rep. Carl Wimmer
Utah House of Representatives
Dear Sheriff Thompson and Rep. Wimmer,
Before I begin, I want to thank both of you. Rep. Wimmer, I appreciate the sentiment behind your bill to make the .45 caliber Browning M-1911 semi-automatic pistol the official state firearm, and Sheriff Thompson, I agree that God loves a good execution. But I think you're both a little off track.Utah is God's favorite state. It's Deseret. It's the acting Zion until we build the permanent one in Jackson County, Missouri. Utah shouldn't choose a secular firearm to serve as its official weapon. Rather, you should choose something more biblical or more Book of Mormoncal--one of God's favored life-takers--to serve as the state weapon.
Of course hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, and hemorrhoids are out of the question. God used such weapons to smite whole cities and nations. We need something a little bit more discriminating and personal here. I think the jawbone of an ass is the perfect solution.
Think about it. God seems to like a good jawbone slaughter. Samson killed a whole shitload of Philistines with one (Judges 15:16). And Nephi's dad, Lehi, was likely named in honor of Samson's ass jawbone.
And as for God approving Sheriff Thompson's application to serve on the state's firing squad, perhaps that's true, but again, don't you think God would be more pleased if you honored Him by using a jawbone of an ass to beat the prisoners to death? I sure think so.
It's a little known fact that although Jesus was a big supporter of capital punishment, he didn't approve of the way it was conducted. Crucifixion was a little too foreignish, a little too Muslimy, for him. That's why, after one of His water-into-wine parties on Cana's 25th Street, He'd often go up to Golgotha and beat all the crucified people to death with His favorite pearl-handled jawbone of an ass (it had the words, "You Lie." etched into it).
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
