Brother Jed Smock
The Campus Ministry USA
Dear Brother Jed,
I've been a big fan of yours since I heard you preach about patting the robertson. That's how I learned that loping one's mule is a homosexualist act. It's like you said, "When you masturbate, you're already sort of a homosexual, because by nature, self-gratification is a same-sex act."
But now, after seeing this video, I gotta say I love you even more (in a purely heterosexual-lifestyle-embracing kind of way, of course). It's not often I come across a guy who can so quickly point out new, strange acts of immorality I never dreamed existed.
I mean, you took one look at those homosexualists and immediately declared they were "kissing in that French way." Dang, that was fast. I didn't even know what the heck you were talking about at first. I didn't see berets or snails, or even toast.
I finally had to look it up, and, by gawd, I wish I hadn't. Apparently, the French stick their tongues into each other's mouths. I can't imagine anyone doing that except to maybe save a life--my wife, OfJoshua, is always saving Mr. Rodriquez's life that way; good thing he lives next door.
I bet Obama kisses his wife in that French way--it's kinda socialist and France is foreign, like Kenya.
No way Reagan or W ever did it.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot.