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Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Confederate Gov't (In Exile) Appeals to the Pope

Ambassador Christopher Rose
Confederate States of America (Occupied)

Dear Ambassador Rose,

I was a little perplexed after I first read the following note you posted:
Letter to Vatican being prepared. It is approximately 50% complete. It is being addressed directly to Pope Benedict himself. I can not promise that we will receive a positive response, yet it is far better to try and fail than not try at all.
At first glance, such an appeal doesn't seem to be in keeping with traditional confederate values. I mean, heck, as the Grand Wizard of his southern heritage appreciation society, Confederate hero Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest courageously fought against the forces of romanism. One can imagine the point of his hood going limp at the mere thought of seeking assistance from a Catholic pope.

But then, Benedict XVI isn't your father's John Paul II. Like Gen. Forrest, der Pöpenführer was a member of a heritage appreciation society, albeit a German one. Indeed, the Pope's organization appreciated many of the same elements of heritage Forrest's group admired. That might be something you can use in your letter to establish a common bond.

I hope your effort is successful. It could help the CSA overcome its financial troubles. Lord knows Gov. Pierce is worried about coming up with the $60 needed to purchase an official CSA notary seal. He said so in his last fundraising letter.

You know, the official robes of Gen. Forrest's southern heritage appreciation society look a lot like altar boy dresses. Perhaps you could wear one if you get an audience with the Pope. I bet he'd really like that. You could probably get him to cough up enough money for at least two notary seals.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

And now, for something completely different: Donald Trump is a god damned Scotsman. Is he on a horse? Developing...


  1. General, Sir!
    I believe you are undervaluing the synergy between these two parties. I bet the Popenfurher will even give them enough money for 2 notary walruses.

  2. With all respect to Your Generaliciousness, I think the costuming idea should go the OTHER way. Papenfuhrious Nazinger likes to wear white. So do patriokkkonfederate SSitizens. The government-in-occupation of the Reanimated KKKonfederate SStates should donate one of their night-rider sheetoutfits -- complete with pointy hat! -- to Il Papa-doc. He'd look SO natural in it!

  3. Correspondent Canukko:

    While I agree with your assessment of the Pope's being suitably attired in oneathem backwoods burqas, he has another problem.

    One of the great things about being in KKKristian KKKlavern of KKKindliness is that you get to be anonymous. Do you have any idea how much fun it must be to torch some kenyanofascists house on thursday and then go investigate the fire on friday, in your day job of "fire marshall"? What a hoot!

    Anyhoo, Pope Panzerdouche has gotta git his bad self some Doc Marten's 9663, 20 eyelet lace-ups; those red Ferragamo LMFY,IHN* slippers are a dead giveaway.

    Speakin'o'thedead, General, Sir, what's become of commenters Caligula, Reinhart Heydrich, Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel and someathem other formerly here once in a while types?

    *Let Me Fuck You, In His Name


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.