Chair, Health and Aging Committee
Ohio House of Representatives
cc: Janet Folger Porter
Dear Rep. Wachtmann,
Although I think it's great you invited a Fetus-American to testify before your committee, I'm concerned you didn't offer the same opportunity to our Spermatazoan-American and Ova-American brothers and sisters. They have stories--horrible stories from the spun cotton death chambers of the tubesock and tampon holocausts--that need to be heard as well.I believe I can get Pastor Grant Storms to provide your committee with a billion newly-freed Spematazoan-American witnesses. You may have heard of him. He promotes the heterosexual lifestyle by going to playgrounds, whipping out his holy staff, and liberating his trapped Spermatazoan-American brothers onto the monkey bars.
I don't think it has to be monkey bars. I bet he'd liberate them onto the witness table's microphone if that'd be more convenient.
Please let me know if you're interested, so I can arrange things with Pastor Storms.
Heterosexually, yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
I think the problem with having a expert Spermatazoan-American witness is that with someone's hand in the sock, it appears to all intents and purposes like a sticky sock puppet. That won't win over the jury.
ReplyDeleteAs for Pasta Storm I'm pretty upset.
Look, it is pretty damned Catholic to get it off with little boys, and I assume whatever Church Pasta Storms belongs to is about the same. Its a Godly approach, right?
However, I'm mighty pissed off at his pro-evolution stance. If there is a more blatant symbol of his acceptance that he came from a monkey by coming on a monkey bar, I don't know what it is. He might have well just had a dump on the Bible and inserted a copy of 'On the Origin of the Species' and be done with it.
that sick fuck Storms got arrested in one of my local parks. It's the home ground for the club where both of my boys played youth soccer. The notion that a homophobe prick from the (literally) the other side of metro New Orleans is wanking while watching kids in my neighborhood is disgusting.
ReplyDeletePastor Storms has lost his way
ReplyDeletewithout a GPS
he parks near schools and breaks the rules
and leaves a sticky mess
(applause)
thank you!