Rep. Lynn Wachtmann
Chair, Health and Aging Committee
Ohio House of Representatives
cc: Janet Folger Porter
Dear Rep. Wachtmann,
Although I think it's great you invited a Fetus-American to testify before your committee, I'm concerned you didn't offer the same opportunity to our Spermatazoan-American and Ova-American brothers and sisters. They have stories--horrible stories from the spun cotton death chambers of the tubesock and tampon holocausts--that need to be heard as well.
I believe I can get Pastor Grant Storms to provide your committee with a billion newly-freed Spematazoan-American witnesses. You may have heard of him. He promotes the heterosexual lifestyle by going to playgrounds, whipping out his holy staff, and liberating his trapped Spermatazoan-American brothers onto the monkey bars.
I don't think it has to be monkey bars. I bet he'd liberate them onto the witness table's microphone if that'd be more convenient.
Please let me know if you're interested, so I can arrange things with Pastor Storms.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot