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Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Whippin' It Out For Compelled Childbirth

Rep. Lynn Wachtmann
Chair, Health and Aging Committee
Ohio House of Representatives

cc: Janet Folger Porter

Dear Rep. Wachtmann,

Although I think it's great you invited a Fetus-American to testify before your committee, I'm concerned you didn't offer the same opportunity to our Spermatazoan-American and Ova-American brothers and sisters. They have stories--horrible stories from the spun cotton death chambers of the tubesock and tampon holocausts--that need to be heard as well.

I believe I can get Pastor Grant Storms to provide your committee with a billion newly-freed Spematazoan-American witnesses. You may have heard of him. He promotes the heterosexual lifestyle by going to playgrounds, whipping out his holy staff, and liberating his trapped Spermatazoan-American brothers onto the monkey bars.

I don't think it has to be monkey bars. I bet he'd liberate them onto the witness table's microphone if that'd be more convenient.

Please let me know if you're interested, so I can arrange things with Pastor Storms.

Heterosexually, yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

3 comments:

  1. I think the problem with having a expert Spermatazoan-American witness is that with someone's hand in the sock, it appears to all intents and purposes like a sticky sock puppet. That won't win over the jury.

    As for Pasta Storm I'm pretty upset.
    Look, it is pretty damned Catholic to get it off with little boys, and I assume whatever Church Pasta Storms belongs to is about the same. Its a Godly approach, right?
    However, I'm mighty pissed off at his pro-evolution stance. If there is a more blatant symbol of his acceptance that he came from a monkey by coming on a monkey bar, I don't know what it is. He might have well just had a dump on the Bible and inserted a copy of 'On the Origin of the Species' and be done with it.

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  2. that sick fuck Storms got arrested in one of my local parks. It's the home ground for the club where both of my boys played youth soccer. The notion that a homophobe prick from the (literally) the other side of metro New Orleans is wanking while watching kids in my neighborhood is disgusting.

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  3. Pastor Storms has lost his way
    without a GPS
    he parks near schools and breaks the rules
    and leaves a sticky mess

    (applause)

    thank you!

    ReplyDelete

We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.