"Spanks Too Hard" appeals to the
Christian Domestic Discipline Advice Group for help:
I *think* he spanks very hard. When it's punishment, it's always bare bottom with a wooden paddle. He won't use his hand because he says his hand is for love and affection, not correction. I know this is traditional and I accept that, but the paddle even though it is small, just hurts so much... He says I'm a grown woman and my butt can take a lot and that if he just gave me a few "paddy cakes" I wouldn't learn anything. In a way I think he's right, but I know I don't want it.
We have talked about and prayed about it, and he says it's because I haven't really submitted to his judgment. That he would never really hurt me, but that we decided together before we were married that spanking would be something that was used, and now it's my duty to submit to it. But all I know is that I have come to hate this, yet I want him to be happy and I really do feel that I did agree and promise before God to obey him.
The group members responded with a great deal of godly advice. Here's what Emma had to say:
Might I suggest that you're narrowing your focus too much? You seem to be just focusing on the spanking, without looking at the big picture of what your husband is trying to do for you through loving discipline. As a godly man, he has seen you err and loves you enough to correct you for that error. It's not easy for a man to see his wife kicking and crying in distress, knowing he is the cause of her pain. And yet he is doing that because he loves you. Afterwards, you are unlikely to repeat the offense, and doesn't that reticence make you a better person?
And Susan chimes in:
Spankings HURT, especially punishment spankings. There is a huge difference in an indulgent parent who is trying to get your attention, and a husband who expects you obey and follow rules you agreed to. That said, it sounds to me like you haven't been married long, or at least, you haven't been practicing DD very long. One of the stages nearly all of us go through is the 'testing' phase. It isn't easy to submit, and sometimes we push those boundaries to see if our S/O will enforce the rules...
Submission is not always easy. It is something you have to work at, starting in small ways... and teaching yourself the joy of giving your submission. It takes a very strong woman to be submissive and obedient when it comes to the 'big' things... and it is very hard to be submissive when told you have earned a punishment. The reward of true submission is such a sense of freedom... You will know the feeling once you experience it for yourself.
Annie gets to the crux of the problem. It's a matter of willfulness:
Your problem is not that he spanks too hard but that you don't want to submit. Period...
You pictured a strong dominant sexy guy who would take you in hand and give you a few sexy swats. But now it's real. You have a guy who really EXPECTS you to obey him and will really spank you when you don't. And not just a few taps!
I know you are probably hoping the other people here will give you "three easy steps" to fixing this, but I suspect you already know the answer... Maybe through prayer you can bring your heart around, but you sound very "hard" towards him. You say he's agreed to try other punishments and even that makes you resentful. You don't want to be a submissive wife, and that's all there is to it.
"Spanks Too Hard" appeals to the Christian Domestic Discipline Advice Group for help:
