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Friday, May 27, 2011

It Ain't Cuz He's Unheartlandishly Hued; Really, It Isn't

At first, I couldn't figure out why Sister Sarah is so angry about Bristol's new boyfriend, Kyle Massey. I mean, hey, he ain't Levi, and Bristol needs a good man to practice abstinence with anyway. You'd think that'd be enough.

But then I saw the suitor's photo and immediately understood Mrs. Palin's rage. It's all there in Mr. Massy's eyes: the anti-colonialism, the Muslimishness, the crypto-Kenyanicity, the secret socialism, and a latent proclivity to produce birth certificates that can't pass the Taitz test.

It's no wonder Sister Sarah is so pissed off. This man is going to steal her daughter's innocence by teaching sweet Bristol how to fist bump.

It's all there, in his eyes.

More Rage!

God damn my inner Frenchman. May he burn in Hell for this:


  1. They both got 'em some purty mouths... I mean Sarah and Sheila, not Kyle and Brystle.

    But the teeth worry me. If I was married to either one, I'd use my manly authority to persuade those fillies to have 'em pulled. Don't want any angry biting in the wrong places, if you know what I mean. Plus, the sensation from a toothless mouth is sinsational, if you know what I mean there too, which I'm afraid I don't know from personal experience, but I've heard stories, lemme tell ya mister!

    As far as doing the Masstey, I don't think it's his eyes-lamic tendencies that are the problem. After all, Disney would never hire a Mahometan. I think it's his gut. Kyle's a chunky monkey -- no racism implied! (unless I'm talking about the impostopresident or e-mailing photos of his family tree with chimpanzees.) And Beastol is known for her svelte figure, eh?

    As for North Star Sarah's new home, I've heard tell that something fishy might be goin' on in that there desert...

  2. I think the Half Term Wonder hates Mr. Massey because he is round around the edges, as opposed to the McQuitter Klan - er, Clan - who are all pointy.

  3. Really, if we think about it a moment, we come to the conclusion that Bristol is a slapper. She is trailer trash, unwed mother. Of COURSE she is going to sleep with a not-white man because they have huge todgers (almost 3 inches I hear!!).
    Sarah, the non-quitter, quietly encourages Bristol. Sarah wants to be preznit. She is taking a leaf out of Obama's book trying to encourage those who don't normally vote, vote. Since remotely sensible people have already been targeted by the Fascistoislamokenyan, Sarah is going for the untapped trailer trash demographic. Sarah is cleverly using her cheap white trash daughter as a way to for the trailer trash demo to be able to identify with her. Its a winner.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.