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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Third Beavis of the Apocalypse vs Anderson Cooper

Earlier this month, CNN's Anderson Cooper mocked the One True Third Eagle of the Apocalypse and Co-Prophet of the End Times, William Tapley, by placing him on his "Rediculist" for a second time. After roasting the Third Eagle's outlining skills --"I had no idea penguins had that big of a package...I mean how do they even waddle?"--he poo-pooed the Co-Prophet's groundbreaking work identifying phallic shapes in horses' manes and baggage handling areas (I discussed those findings, here, a few weeks ago).

I hoped Third Eagle Tapley would respond by emulating the prophet Elisha, who sent she-bears to eat 42 naughty children after they called him: "thou bald head." Unfortunately, the Co-Prophet of the End Times resisted the urge to feed Mr. Cooper to wild beasts, deciding instead to crush the CNN star with his mighty Tapleyian intellect.

From the Third Eagle's rebuttal:
Now, if I outline this shape [the Denver International Airport Baggage Handling Area] with a magic marker, just like I did with the Leo Tanguma mural, maybe you'll [Anderson Cooper] get a better idea of what the engineers had in mind in this Denver International Airport.

Now, I admit that's kind of rough. but here is a second bifurcation. What do you suppose the street name is running down the center? You guessed it. That's Peña Boulevard. No, I am not kidding.


I know what you're thinking Mr. Cooper. Sure, the phallic shape is obvious. Sure, the name, Peña Boulevard, is obvious. But if I'm right, there is probably also a pubic hair area in this design. And if there is, wouldn't they name the streets in there with weird names also? And if they do, wouldn't you finally admit that I'm correct Mr. Cooper?

I guess you could call this the "Pubic Hair Area." So, what do you suppose the name of this street is right here? This is the Harry B. Combs Parkway. I am not making that up.

This street right here, this is Shady Grove Street. I guess that's because that's where the sun don't shine.

And over here, this is Undergrove Street. Are you beginning to get the picture?

...as for you Mr. Cooper, do you want to be remembered as the most naive reporter in the history of television.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.

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